Soooo last night I ended up having a huge breakdown instead of having fun and sex. My S.O was feeling good and positive for the first time in like two weeks and I couldn’t just be there and enjoy it. Noooo I had to freak out about a stupid fucking mistake I made and just fall into a fucked up emotional spiral. It’s like…. I’ve been trying to be supportive so much that I shut my own emotions down almost. I make them small and don’t feel them and last night it was like **safe** to feel them so I FELT THEM ALL. But… goddamnit! that’s not how I wanted things to go. But my S.O was waay nice about it and supportive and just held me for a long time and went downstairs with me and watched THE MATRIX on VHS with me for a while because I couldn’t sleep. I woke up feeling stupid about it and guilty for ruining what could have been a good night, because good nights are not something that come in great abundance. Also drained and still stressed over having to deal with said mistake… but oh well. It still hasn’t been resolved and I’m afraid I wasted an hour of my life writing an article I won’t get paid for because I clicked *one* wrong button. Anyway, I’m hoping tonight will be better. We’re destitute and I spent our last $4 on cheap liquor because fuck it. I’m getting money tomorrow. Not much but enough for survival purposes. Peace out human specimens.