How do you?

I just escalated my e-bay case and they said they’d get back to me within 48 hours. But really I’m trying to learn to accept this as a loss because I don’t see anyone helping me at all. My own stupid fault. My own ignorance, naivety, misplaced trust, call it what you will, it all amounts to the same.  I want to be friends with you but I can see why you don’t like to drink. I kinda can’t stop replaying all the tiny little probably innocuous things you said that hurt my feelings to one degree or another. Maybe I’m just hurt that you left me and came back and feel so comfortable so quickly. You don’t know everything. I seriously can’t stand to hear you tell me how I should do my art. Don’t talk shit about how I shouldn’t invest money in creating the product I want to create. People aren’t going to magically come to me and help me make everything perfect for *free* No. Just, no. That’s not how anything works and that’s not the kind of ‘support’ I need from a friend, or from anyone. I just hope my brother wasn’t upset by it, mostly. Mostly. He’s less emotional than me I think but maybe he’s just more Vulcan style than me. Keeping that shit all under wraps. Whatever, Breathe, continue. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised in the least if you woke up tomorrow feeling sick and stupid and remembering why you wanted to stop talking to us in the first place. No expectations. No alarms and no surprises. My love is feeling sick and sleeping downstairs on the couch. I  would much prefer to have his arms around me at this time. I am alone with my too many thoughts and hope I can find my way into the dreaming.

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