Is now ! Was tonight ! I could tell my parents were all irritated and sorta mad at each other when they got back. Annoyed at having to spend all kinds of time and money getting ready for the thanksgiving they are obligated to host tomorrow. Understandable. But things got better as i took charge of making latkes, with the help of my so awesome SO. And my mom finished her things and came to help. My brother got home and he brought a growler of the late hop amber ale that he brewed. (He is the brew master of a local brewery.) It took like a thousand years to finish making all the latkes, but we eventually did. We ate and everyone was good. Chill. Happy. I got a bass guitar. I told them they didn’t need to get me one but they did and i am pretty psyched about it. I’m excited to learn to play it. Really excited. I know i can do it. It is a really good one and it looks sleek and just generally fucking awesome. A way better one than i could have afforded to buy myself. I want to take a picture of it but not right now cuz it is almost 4 am. I still need an amp but that’s ok. It didn’t come with a strap either and we totally ran out and got one all last minute style. Did i mention I’m psyched? Haven’t been this excited over a hanukkah peasant since i was like 12. Ok I’m gunna go now. I’m freezing and sorta tired. I also got a phone case and a laptop case, both of which i really needed. Ok ! I’m out. Wish me luck surviving thanksgiving tomorrow! I might make an entry about it if my crazy ass extended family does anything interesting and/or terrible.
Tired. writing a really difficult guide about DIY aquarium lighting and I don’t know anything about it and it’s wicked complicated so we’ll see how that goes… I’m already almost 300 words into it. (~slight pause for things and showering and maybe sex~) …. anyways, now it’s 2:30 in the morning and I have to turn my guide in by 10am my time and I’m sure I’ll have it done well before then and go to sleep eventually maybe for a little while…. buuut yeah! ** air guitar solo** tomorrow is Hanukkah and I’m actually looking forward to it, because I just am, shut up. Hanukkah is probably my favorite holiday next to Halloween. It just feels warm and nice and good to me. Not so much looking forward to Thanksgiving the next day… but I’m not going to dwell on that at all right now, or even grace it with a thought really. (oh shit, except I DO need to make sure I bring some sort of Thanksgiving appropriate attire, and not just giant piles of dirty laundry to wash at my parents’ house.) My brother and I went for a wog earlier (walk/jog) and it was good. It was freezing cold. I pushed myself to run a lot. I really really need to go do my work now. ** More air guitars** OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOkay.
Typing this on my phone with swipe keyboard. Decided i won’t change anything it ducks up or apricots. Too tired to care and it is funny to see what it’s phone brain thinks I’m trying to say. Really need to teach it about cursing tho. Cuz dam it’s annoying when i try to curse and my phone is all… goddamn motorcyclists sit shot duck Dick Wallet fickler.
I’m laughing way too hard at this i really breed to get some sleep. Haha yeah. Nice.
I miss xanga. It felt like a safe, personal place in a way that this website never. ever. will. I’ve looked at the new xanga and it’s pretty much exactly like this and I hate it too. I don’t know any of the people on here and most of the people who follow me are from weird commercial-seeming blogs (uh… no offense) and it just doesn’t feel like I can put the same kinds of words here as I could put there. Safe. My colors my background my friends only settings my actual people I knew and talked to and followed and cared about at least slightly. This place feels huge in comparison, yet somehow desolate in comparison. I need to be doing my work. I NEED to be doing my work I have a huge paper due at midnight tomorrow and 3 more articles due by Wednesday morning and yet, here I am. Unable to focus on my work screen for more than a few seconds because it is so terrible and boring and I want to go for another walk in the snow, and sit in the snow, and freeze. I want to go out into my parents’ backyard, far across town, and go up into the fort that no longer exists and hasn’t for years and listen to music and write by the light of the moon reflecting off the snow, in my emo little notebooks that felt so. so. so. just so.
of making strange
pyramids all designed
to inspire my own blood
to fire and fire and fire and fire
Hey there! SO! Lots of things have been happening in the past few days. Or… I dunno, maybe not that much stuff but it feels like a lot. I’ve had a few days off from writing and homework and it has been really nice, but at the same time I have felt somewhat aimless and weird about it. Well, no matter because that time is over. I just got assigned 4 new buying guides and they are all about weird topics and they are a different format from all the ones I’ve done previously, so it’s going to be interesting. I have a really weird job by the way, I dunno if I have ever talked about it in detail. I write buying guides for e-bay, but it’s the UK ebay. (ebay.co.uk) and my guides have to be all British style and it’s weird and time consuming but I get paid $40 a pop so I really can’t complain.
I also have other writing assignments due this week, so it’s going to be busy. Hanukkah is next Wednesday by the way, which is coming up really really soon suddenly. Despite telling my family lots of times to not spend money on me they are buying me a bass guitar I’m pretty sure. (since my brother has been asking me lots of questions about it in order to get something I would like that make it pretty obvious.) I’m kinda psyched because I really want one and I am going to teach myself to play it and it only has 4 strings and a ukulele only has 4 strings and I know the tuning is different but I’m very confident in my ability to teach myself. Our band could really use some bass guitar, so it will be good.
In other news…. A few days ago there was a fire in the parking structure of my apartment complex. It was crazy intense. My brother called me at like 5 in the morning and he was all: “shit’s on fire! you might have to evacuate!” and I said: “Oh shit. Okay.” and then I went back to sleep. The fire didn’t get anywhere near anyone’s apartment, but it did totally destroy 6 cars and a motorcycle, not to mention the parking structure itself. It also sorta melted the cars that were parked across the way from it. So… here are a few pictures I took of the carnage. (Get it? Get it? CAR-nage?! eh? eh? -elbow nudge-) No one we know was effected, but I still feel bad for the people who’s cars got destroyed.
Ooookay! My boyfriend is on the way home with pizza and salad and we are going to drink cheap liquor and eat it and it shall be glorious.
This is me giving the mobile app a try. It is late and i am drunk and i am alone. I try to understand everything but really i am just a human style figure into and belliger these single file thoughts just waiting to be lost amidst old times slick rhymes knowing who you are maybe most almost all the time. Sleep and see new. Things that are you for you forward and all four words they say “i. am. for. you.” Slick as this rhyme quick as this time I’m flying up above your head right next to you in bed thinking over every time mulling over every line i wrote imagining how it would sound issuing from your throat. Wanting to just feel your hands spell out what they have known.
My exhaustion is profound. I didn’t expect that I would need to complete another article today along with the two papers I had to write. It was due at 7 and I finished a little after 6. I finished my first paper that was due at 5 and then wrote the article quickly so we’ll see how that goes. I still have one more paper due before Midnight. That’s 4 hours from now, which should be enough time to write a 3-4 page paper, but my brain is incredibly exhausted because I stayed up working until 8:30 in the morning and slept for 5-ish hours before waking up and immediately starting to write more stuff. My brain is really tired and I’m trying to formulate an idea for what to base this next (and last for today, thank juheezus) paper on. It’s about advertisements and persuasion and I’m so goddamn tired I just hope I can persuade my brain to stay focused for a few more hours so I can churn this shit out. Coffee. Go. Now. I was hoping to have a day to chill after tomorrow when I finish that 4-6 page paper that I have due then, but I just found out that my current 4 articles are due on Thrusday at 7pm instead of Sunday…. so…. Just kidding about a day off I guess. I shouldn’t complain. Really I just hope that I get more articles after that and that this isn’t the end of the assignment, because that would be disappointing. I’m hoping not, and cautiously-optimistically assuming not, because of various factors, but I’m not 100% sure about anything.
*midnight style edit*
Yo! I finished all of my work. Turned in my last paper 15 minutes before it was due. I can’t believe I wrote 4 pages that fast, it seriously took me about an hour and 15 minutes. 😎 I’m super exhausted, but I’m happy because my brother got PAID and paid me for the work I’ve been doing for him. He still owes me nearly $300, but I can wait on that. I want him to have enough money to survive and take care of himself and everything. Really tho, I’m super glad he paid me today because I was getting sad and desperate and super pathetic style poor.
Okay! I should continue doing productive things. I should work on making the ferrets’ winter bed. It’s getting cold and their current bed is pretty shitty and they are going to need something better for the winter. Hopefully I can actually pull it off as well as I think I can in my *imagination*. Welp! That’s it for me. I’m out. Peace.
… one huge long buying guide that took me LIKE 6 HOURS to write which equals out to only about $6.66 per hour which is pretty fucking terrible if I do say so myself. They don’t usually take quite so long, plus I spent some of that time messing around I suppose. Buuuuuut yeah! Now I have to move on and write another one because I have a huge amount of other work due tomorrow and I don’t have time to finish this before 7pm as well. SO! That means I get to write that shit right the fuck now. Stay awake FOREVER. NONE OF THE SLEEP FOR YOU. This feels like college, except I’m getting paid, and I don’t have to go to class in the morning, but I’m still super tired. Believe it or not I think I’m going to GO FOR A WALK right now at 2:30 in the goddamn morning in the cold in the dark because I am INCREDIBLY restless from sitting here writing shit for hours and hours all the freaking time forever. I want to refresh my brain and move my body and feel the cold and see the real world and let my eyes rest upon something that isn’t black and white and black words on a little screen. Okay! Ready? Go! (I guess)
* agonized groan* I have so much work to do this week it’s pretty ridiculous and traumatizing. I have a 3-4 page paper due on Sunday and a 1-2 page paper due on Sunday and a 4-6 page paper due on Monday and 5 850-900 word articles due by Sunday by 7pm. **slight panic** Write. write. wriiiiiite. I think it’s kinda funny actually these people I see on my tumblr doing NANO. I’m like…. ha that’s funny you have a life where you don’t have to write thousands of words every week in order to survive and you feel like forcing yourself to write that much just for fun. Ha. Funny. I remember when I used to want to write novels. I felt it like a drug but as I drug (dragged) myself through more and more endless hours of papers, as i commodified my writing and condensed my creativity into small verses, tiny poems, that cute little fire guttered and uttered no cry for more tinder. But maybe someday, if I ever feel a true inspire I’ll aspire to such things once more. For now there is simply too much else going on, and I have let my creativity go into different outlets. I need to go to work now. I want to do a lot so I can relax and enjoy a tiny bit of time to myself tomorrow night.