early morning ponders

2am with 6 pages to write. Pandora ads, man, you’re killing my vibe. I’m wicked tired and maybe I should drink caffeine or maybe I should not because it might make me go psycho style way too jittery to actually get things done. It’s a pretty fine line, that. If I could get paid for the last 5 articles I’ve written that would be great. I could really use that $200 like… now. But I have to wait however the hell long it’s going to take, who knows. Plus an extra five days after it’s even issued, and another day for the bank to actually recognize, possibly more if it comes in on the weekend… which it usually does. But whatever, I can’t really complain. I can make decent money sitting here at my laptop dropping lines from my fingertips.

 I have to keep reminding myself that “sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something!” because it is kind of annoying how effortlessly my little brother can play the instrument I have just barely begun to understand. It’s okay. I’ll get there eventually. I just feel wicked slow and lame when he’s all “have you learned anything else? do you have anything cool to show me?” and I’m just like…. nah bro. I know he’s just excited but … ugh. It’s complicated. Older sibling feels… never mind.

I wish I could be more helpful for my love in times like this, but really all I can do is be there and be there and be there. Do what I can and say what I can but damn. I want it to be more. I want to have all the answers and lay them on the ground in the form of little golden statues and a bowed head. Okay, I’m exhausted but I need to get back to work. that’s more than enough of this. 

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2 thoughts on “early morning ponders

  1. kellykreuzberger says:

    I like the golden statues with a bowed head line. That was funny! And I like your writing voice.

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