Who AM I??!!??!

So earlier today I found an old backpack of mine in the closet.

I think I used it my first semester of college… so… like 6-ish years ago. Maybe more like 7… whatever I don’t feel like doing that math. Anyway, when I looked inside this backpack I found a bunch of weird ass shit. a lot of it I totally didn’t remember at all and I was like… this is mine? I did this? Who even an I?? So.. let’s have a look shall we?


Okay, this isn’t too weird. Some gloves, an emergency tampon, and some emergency toothpaste! You go past me! Being all prepared for cold or bleeding or oral hygiene issues!


And look at that! A wide variety of pens and mechanical pencils for all my writing needs!


Aah yes! a calculator and some specifically sized cards covered in notes for tests. So far still logical, non-bizarre school supplies!


But wait, what the hell is this? A mystery key on a weird lanyard thing that says “wiser, wittier”. Oookay! …I have zero idea what this unlocks. Oh, and a goddamn eye patch! in case I ever needed to look like a pirate on the fly? It’s not a costume eyepatch you can secretly see through either, this shit is medical grade.


Aaha! A super old pack of cigarettes with two super old cigs intact. I don’t smoke… never have, so that’s fun.


And a nice little canister of mace, that expired in 2010. For self defense… or random acts of blinding. Wonder if it still works.


Last, but certainly not least of my mysterious artifacts, five packets of lemon juice found in the little pocket right in the front. They are so old that the lemon juice dried up and turned sort of black. It’s downright tragic that I don’t remember how or why these ended up in my bag.


One thought on “Who AM I??!!??!

  1. Somber says:

    Haha, that is great. The key and the eye patch is a little weird, but who knows! I recently found some weird stuff of mine when I finally unpacked a box that I’ve had packed for the last four years. I was like.. woah.

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