Slick sheet of sickness

When I was a kid I used to have a weird feeling sometimes sort of like I wasn’t quite 1,000% connected to my body. Like I was a sort of passenger or observer or like a tiny alien inside my own head pulling levers and steering. ….. anyway, now that I’m a grown woman and experienced drug taker, I kind of recognize that it felt a little like feeling high or drunk, but not quite like anything I’ve felt since. It used to scare me and I have a few scattered memories of myself trying to explain the feeling to my parents, and being at school and feeling that way and talking to people and trying to pretend I was normal style and not afraid of what was happening in my brain. Glaring sun on a swing set and sand and other little girls who seemed a thousand leagues below or above me. I think everyone’s childhood is filled with strange and terrible little fears. This turned into a weird rant. I was sick and I got my boyfriend sick even though I tried to avoid it. it isn’t anything too serious but it still sucks.

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4 thoughts on “Slick sheet of sickness

  1. vonzex says:

    Hunny, I think you have dissociative disorder. It really seems to fit here. Not a bad thing, usually, but it can make one feel very alone and disconnected.

    • valerianblue says:

      Maybe I did as a kid, but I dunno. It’s hard to describe and not exactly a feeling of feeling alone anyway. Plus it hasn’t happened in like 10 years so I think I’m good

  2. I have experienced that sensation before. I think it has to do with growing up. Being a kid is kind of scary, it requires doing a lot of new things, going outside of your comfort zone, and doing things you don’t always understand at the time. I think that is the feeling I get when I am unsure how to deal with a situation, when I feel so overwhelmed I just kind of go on autopilot and let go. I think it is how we learn to deal with new experiences even if we find them really stressful.

  3. Somber says:

    I have moments like that. When I was growing up, and still do. It’s kind of like you said, a moment of feeling high or drunk, but its not really that either. Just makes you go “woah.”
    I also have moments of the opposite. Like, hits me all of a sudden, that, I’m alive, and I can see and feel, and holy crap I’m moving. Sometimes it makes me trip because it will catch me off guard how very self aware I become for like, five seconds.

    You are right, about everyone’s childhood having strange fears. Now, I have strange fears now, but it doesn’t feel the same as when I was a kid. Every experience was new, and didn’t understand much about life. That childlike wonder can go both ways.

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