This break has been really really nice, even though it wasn’t as productive as I wanted it to be in some areas. It was extremely successful and fulfilling sexually. I used to write about my kinky sex life all the time on xanga, when xanga used to be a thing. I had friendslock on and I was totally comfortable writing that stuff and I enjoyed it and actually got a lot out of it, it helped me reflect on the activities and pinpoint what did it for me, why I liked specific things, and other stuff. Anyway, I dunno how comfortable I feel doing that kind of junk here. SO MANY random strangers follow this blog, but I am fairly anonymous style, so maybe I will go for it. I dunno. I keep having flashbacks of last night, and they are good. Really intense, really fun. An itinerary is a fairly accurate description of the list of specific tasks I am given to complete. It keeps me on track to know exactly what is expected of me and it erases so many of the weird stupid thoughts and feelings I would always get hung up on. Knowing exactly what is expected of me, and that these expectations will be enforced is incredibly comforting to me and it frees me of anxiety and allows me to live in the moment and just try my best, and feel, and learn, and improve, and enjoy what I’m feeling without thought pollution. The sex itself was fantastic, even though it’s only a part of the whole experience for me. Doing kinky stuff just… satisfies a part of me that I get so used to having unsatisfied that I sort of almost forget I’m even feeling that way, until it happens and I am fulfilled and everything feels different. We were in the store today, picking out some alcohol for later, and I just laid my head on my boyfriend’s shoulder and hugged him and totally went away for a minute. I’m me and I’m his and I glide through the world.