All this huge pile of work, coupled with a serious lack of sleep has got me feeling fucked up mentally. I can’t stop thinking about all the bad things (yeah, that’s you, yeah, that’s you, yeah) and its got me feeling really down. Wicked down. I’m also irritable and on edge and generally pissed at the world, also due to lack of sleep probably. Matcha green tea is good tho. It has antioxidants up the arse and vitamins and chlorophyll and caffeine and it stimulates the metabolism supposedly. It’s the stuff they put in a green tea frappuccino at starbucks. When mixed into a smoothie it tastes like crushed up aliens in the best possible way. Buuut yeah! I’m not doing too great at the moment. Feeling kinda dead inside.
… except dead things probably don’t have regrets or bad memories or feelings of helplessness and lost-ness. and wrong-ness and fear. SO I guess I feel alive inside after all! That’s nice for me. Tomorrow. 7pm. I will have a measure of freedom. Right now, I need to go back to typing the things I’m supposed to be typing… and try to hold my shit together long enough to get it done.