100+ followers!!

I now have over 100 followers on here, which is nuts for butts because I just complain about stuff and occasionally talk about sex or make a funny.
Like seriously, who are you people? Why are you following me? I don’t even have a profile pic. Are you actually reading this jazz? Well, to celebrate this milestone, here are some random pictures I have on my phone.

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(Back of a technical writing textbook, Lololol)

Yooooooooo

I have so so so so so much work to do today, and yet here I am! chillin’ on the interwebs and such. The next ‘couple days are going to be very difficult as well. Buuut I’m going to make $375 for 3 days worth of work, which is none too fucking shabby. If this job was more reliable, and I knew FOR SURE that I could write as many guides as I wanted every week forever, it would be the best fucking job in the world. As is, even with how unreliable it is, it’s still pretty fucking good. I’m getting PAID TO WRITE SHIT. Not difficult. Whenever the hell I want to write. Weird ass random boring topics, but easy. Anyway, I need to take a shower and then get back to work, but I totally don’t want to because it is boring. I’m also sort of dying to do a scene, with kinky stuff, because it’s been a while and I want it and I don’t want to lose our momentum because it’s important to me. I taste his fingers still and I am maybe a little bit insane. >>>>>___<<<<<<< 

Late and sick

It’s not that late but I do feel sick. Have all day. Laid low. My own fault mostly. Why do confrontations I’m not even directly involved with make me feel so fucking shitty? I didn’t get any work done, which just means I have that much more tomorrow. Too goddamn much. but hey, at least I caught up on game of thrones.

Crastinating on the professional level.

Feeling overwhelmed with other people’s work as well as my own. I don’t want to do this and my soul feels like it’s getting crushed and this whole next week is just going to be full of me sitting in front of my laptop typing things. I just want to procrastinate and go out for food and be in the world and not do this work at all. I just want to have an all day sex marathon and not go out in the world and only leave the bed for short breaks and just fuck literally all day long and not do this work at all. 

For it’s work work work every day and every night

I have so much things due tomorrow, I don’t even know what to do with myself. I also have articles, many articles due by next Friday. All in all it’s fairly overwhelming. Monday is Passover and I have to go do family style things. Read the book, eat the stuff. I will probably go earlier to help my mom cook. That means one less day to get my stuff done. Tests, papers, again and again and I should have a masters degree by now but I don’t. Just writing more and more bullshit, all of it fake and flakes and emptiness. But hey! at least I’m getting paid. 

My darling, oh, I must have you

I love my boyfriend, because he is awesome, and I sound like a 15 year old girl but I don’t even give a shit. He really is awesome, and I never got a chance to say that sort of thing when I was a 15 year old girl, but I get to now. I feel lucky and happy to have him and he made me scream so loud the neighbors pounded on the wall but it was like 4 in the morning so I can’t really blame them. We fit well together, in so many ways. Things have been amazing lately. We’ve been doing lots of kinky stuff and it’s been… everything I ever wanted out of that kind of exchange, but never knew how to get. I feel fulfilled and just good. It’s weird which parts I find I relish. One of my favorite things that happened last night, right before we went upstairs we were talking about pain and punishments and he was trying to explain a concept to me and get me to think about it critically but I was not actually putting effort into trying to think critically. We got upstairs and I could tell he was sort of mad at me, so I asked him if he was. He said he was irritated with my lack of trying and I realized he was right. We talked about the importance this dynamic plays in our relationship and I apologized, and told him he was right, and I laid my head on his lap and he messed with my hair and I felt genuinely sorry, but the thing is I enjoy feeling genuinely sorry and it gives me this certain very unique feeling twist of dark pleasure that touches me in a deep place. It’s weird and at times highly confusing and sort of bad… but there is nothing quite like it. Anyway, I’m recording it terribly, but that whole interaction and just hearing him talk about how important this is to him was just… good. Special. Afterward we continued on with a myriad of activities of a sexual and somewhat violent nature, eventually culminating in an orgasm that made the neighbors bang on the wall at 4 in the morning. I look forward to the next scene we do. Tonight, we are watching Hannibal and maybe more game of thrones (My love is finally watching it with me, and I’m waiting for him to catch up before I watch the new ones… which is taking a decent amount of patience. 😛 ) 

dump ~ dump ~ dump the trucks!

Feelin’ kinda dump trucks today. Possibly because I haven’t gone to the gym in 2 days, possibly because I haven’t gotten any articles yet and they said I should get some today, and I’m getting wicked paranoid about it even though there are a bunch of normal style reasons it might take a little longer. Possibly because last night while I was {moderately intoxicated} I scratched the shit out of my leg with the sharp edge of a pill packet, not even realizing I was doing it until I looked down at my leg and I had like 100+ scratches, some of them bleeding. Nice one, myself! *sarcastic high five* Possibly because it’s roasting outside and I’m roasting in here and being hot makes me instantly feel not awesome, and I know summer is coming and it’s just going to get worse and worse and I have backward seasonal affective disorder probably and the summer makes me feel like a gross puddle of pond scum and failure. 

…. … … … … … …

Sooo…. yeah! I might try and do some stuff to make myself feel less dumb, or maybe I will just sleep until it’s night time and it’s cool outside. But really I have a few things I want to do and I maybe have a little secret project to work on, but I dunno if I can actually do it or not, but we will see.  

 

Titled un

Late. Awake, waiting. For what? I don’t. I don’t. Wait. slick pearls of damp dread, me wanting to hurt myself for the first time in a long time. Because it’s different, it’s different when you do it yourself. But I won’t because I would feel childish and mad at myself later. He would be mad at me and look at me with that one face that is part disappointment, part anger, part love, part possessiveness, and a tiny shining glint of humor. “I’m the only one who’s allowed to hurt you.” he would say, and it would sound romantic to me, because of the structure of our relationship and the things we do when we are alone. And maybe it is enough, tonight, to just say that I feel that pull. Tonight, i think t is enough. Instead, go downstairs. Plug in for a while. Check the disks, make a switch, think about something, anything, else. Tumblr is good. Tumblr is my favorite. I wish it wasn’t already nearly 3am. Or maybe I wish I was tired, or something. Curious, just, how would the night have gone if I had simply not mentioned the hot water. Mysteries of life and things I’ll never know. Tagged/lol … and scroll.