Oh man… I’ve been so gone for the past few days. Just… totally gone. Finding it easier than I ever have to let go and surrender and damn it feels so good, I don’t want to come back. But I have to and I know it and I know I can’t sustain that kind of thing all the time and that’s why we have guidelines. So here I am now, Crawling out from under three days of sex and submission and pain and alcohol to begin a new week. Pulling my head together because I need to get things done. Really though, it was a lovely weekend and it made my soul feel more alive. Saturday, all day slowly drinking and just letting myself go and going and going and feeling so vulnerable and weak that the sound of fireworks from the ball park freaked me out, but it was okay because he held me in his arms until it stopped and we drank more and hours passed with delicious, delirious speed and slowness. He cares for me, perfect care and disinfects the small scratches on my back even though they probably don’t need it. Now the week begins again and I have to do a lot of work, but that’s okay. After this week I will have made enough money to pay rent, so that’s nice. Seriously tho, I gotta pull my head together, this is ridiculous. Just over one more week of classes, but that means big tests and papers to complete. I need to get started on some articles like… right now. Dinner is almost done, at 12:30 in the morning… which is fairly ridiculous. The other day I was thinking about it, and I sorta want to write an entry about the day I got my first kiss as a little kid in 6th grade, because I realized the day was pretty funny and weird and it involved a human brain… so… might be worth writing up, for entertainment value.