Update:

– So far just over 10% done with my work, and it’s due in 29 hours and holy shit I’m starting to freak out and be unsure if I’m going to be able to finish it in that amount of time. I’m about to start back up THIS FUCKING SECOND and just try to bust through them as fast as I possibly can.

– I’m kinda freaking out

-My boyfriend went to take a scary math exam and I’m nervous for him and that’s not helping me concentrate on stuff

– fuck

-oh my god

– what am I doing with my life

-Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

-Naw, fuck it. I’m going to fucking get it done

 

lines of dead-ness

Yooooooo. Man. Seriously, every time, just when I’m about to give up and start trolling Odesk for more work that probably pays less, my amazing wonderful fantastic life giving client comes through for me with more work. In this case, a LOT more work in a very short amount of time. Due Wednesday at 7pm, more curation than I’ve ever done. Really, a massive amount of work. But I’m going to get it done, and I’m going to make more than $800 in about 48 hours. Holy fucking shit man. That’s intense as hell. That’s fucking astounding. There’s a chance I might get another batch after this one, due Friday. That would be really amazing and I seriously hope it happens because I would be incredibly psyched and make so much money and yes, please, please, give that to me please. But I’m not going to count on it, because I know I can’t.  I’m just going to count on what I have in front of me which is still a lot of money’s worth of work. -breathes- -deep breaths- Mannnnnnnn. I feel a lot better about life now that I have this work, but at the same time holyshit how am I going to get all that done in 48 hours oh dear oh my oh skiddily doo. I need to get started ASAP. FREELANCE POWERS! ACTIVATE! -morphs into my final form-

Found Poetry

I found this poem on (my kinky) tumblr a few weeks ago, and it just came back on my dash and I fucking love it a lot so I’m posting it here. I don’t know exactly who wrote it and I tried to do some research to find out but so far I have got nothing. It is attributed to youreyesblazeout.tumblr.com but I don’t know if this person actually wrote it or what. Anyway, I’m posting it here. It illustrates just… awesomely how I feel about my nature as a sub and just… the complexity of that aspect of my relationship and just… aaahhhhhh it’s awesome. Shut up. Read it or don’t and yeah.

Even when I’m yours,
there’s always a little try
left in me for you
to put an end to, to put
your hand to, to let rise
and shut down, to let run
and give chase, to tire out.

Even when I’m yours,
there are doors you need to open,
windows you need to raise,
dark places in me you need
to bring to the light
of your hands, to the sun
of your wet mouth and teeth.

Even when I’m yours,
there is a cost to ownership,
there’s work to be done,
there are rebellions to quell,
foreign lands to explore.
There will always be a rise in me,
even when I’m yours.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

I feel kinda messed up and weird. It’s okay, it’s okay. Shit happens. Things happen. It’s just sort of bad timing. I was in a pretty deep subspace really. and it didn’t ~run it’s course~ and now I feel sort of stuck in a weird purgatory and it’s weird and confusing and > awesome. UuuuUuuuuuuugh. It’s okay. Things pass. It’s something I’ve felt before but not for a long time and I don’t remember how to deal with it. But yeah, I feel confused and conflicted? and fragile at the moment and sort of don’t know what the hell I should do with myself . Haha what do normal people do? What do? How act normal? Human things? Free will, normal person! YEAH! that’s me!

Playlist 17: swing and jump and land and run

The past couple weeks have been …. uuuuhhhhhh….. rough. To say the least. Un-awesome. seriously lacking in awesomeness. So, um… I’m not sure what tonight is going to hold, or the rest of the weekend, but I figured I would throw down a little playlist anyway. Because why the hell not, right? I’m looking forward to some chill and some of that really strong rum that I got a super good deal on. Perhaps other interactions as well. I try not to be presumptuous.  Alright, have a nice weekend. kick it with some tunes.

1. MGMT – Electric Feel

2. Mr. Fijiwiji – The Mentalist

3.  Alt J – Breezeblocks

4. The Neighbourhood – Let it Go

5. Electric Guest- This Head I Hold

tiresome

I’m so fucking tired. So totally wicked mad ultra tired. Which is fucking nuts, because I seriously slept {intermittently} until 4 in the goddamn afternoon. How nuts is that? Pretty nuts yo. Nuts for butts even. I haven’t even been on my computer for a few days. I’ve been doing everything via mobile, because I haven’t had any work or reason to look at it and it just… uuuuggghhhh. ugh. ugh. bluuugh. uuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh -etc. I’m feeling stuff but also sort of nothing. In a lot of ways this feels like the old times, the bad old times, but I know it’s not. I know it’s different. Even so. My body just wants to sleep for a million years. At least I went to the gym today. Thursday is Rosh Hashanah, so venturing to my parents’ house is going to happen. Recording this weekend is also a maybe. Yeah. I’m going back upstairs for sleep hopefully maybe eventually sleep. Soooooooooooooo bye.

Stretch

Feeling really stressed out. Trying to be cool and strong for my boy but fuck man. It messes me up to see him like that. I’m gunna try to apply for other freelance work tomorrow, because of money reasons. Gunna get paid Wednesday but a good chunk of it is already spent. It’s okay. I will find a way to make it okay. I’m pretty tired, so hopefully I will be able to sleep. life is weird, I have things I should do.