Playlist 30: Winter writer

I finished all my work and then I went on a really long walk while talking to my parents on the phone (via my headphones so I didn’t have to hold the phone in my hand / so I could look like an insane person talking to herself.) It was really nice out, cold and cloudy and slightly drizzly and just just getting dark. It felt good. I’ve been feeling pretty emotionally shitty and weak the past few days, so that’s been fun. Walking in the too-cold with just my thinnest jacket makes me feel better, calms my body as well as my mind. I did it last night as well. It was snowing and I kept daring myself to go one block further, face into the wind and snow. Biting and stinging and breath catching in my lungs. One more block, just one more.

Twenty-One Pilots – Fake You Out

Loudon Wainwright III – Vampire Blues

Silverstein – Burning Hearts (Acoustic)

Peter Bjorn and John – The Chills

Eartha Kitt – I Want to be Evil

Matt & Kim – Not That Bad

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Red Right Hand

Playlist 29: Days and time and you are mine

Back to my “normal” freelance writing schedule, which means Friday night once again means FRIDAY NIGHT. And I once again have a selection of songs that popped up while I was working that I particularly enjoyed. This is a mad weird mix of stuff, I seriously don’t even know how to describe it so I’m not even going to try. Sending out good feels into the universe, Wishing a good weekend to everyone {including myself}.

1. Ida Maria – Bad Karma

2. Tunng – Take (skip the first ~45 seconds tbh)

3. Miike Snow- Pretender

4. Metric – Sick Muse

5. Skrillex – Bangerang (It’s worth it to me to live through this song for the last 5 seconds)

6. Maluka – El Tigereso

I just finished reading “The Art of Asking” and I feel like an emotionally drained wrung out sponge. My parents bought me a signed copy for Christmas because they are well aware of my enduring love for Amanda Palmer, who has been a staple of my musical life and beyond for about 10 years now. {My whole family went on my fan-girl quest with me when we were in Boston} Anyway, yeah it was an emotional experience for me all around, and if I cried about stuff I would have cried at least 4 times. Maybe I should be more free about crying, I dunno. I have a complex about it. Anyway, yeah. I feel pretty raw and open now, but not entirely in a bad way. I need some time to process. That’s all I’m gunna say about it for now, yeah.  I just bought a birthday present for my boyfriend that he would never buy for himself in a million years, and I really don’t think he would ever guess what it is. Hopefully it doesn’t suck, but you know. Risks and taking them and why the hell not forever. I have articles to write, I told my editor I would have two done by Monday. He never even got back to me saying anything about my “tentative schedule” … but whatever. We’ll see what happens when he actually edits my work. We’ll see what he’s like. ** deep breaths ** man, I feel a-shambles.

Hi, hello, hello, hi

Hey there random internet strangers, and like 6 people I actually know, how’s it going?! I’m doing okay-ish I think, I hope. *knocks on wood* I got some work today, which is awesome. Articles to write for MONEY. 10 700+ word articles for $40 each, for a grand total of $400 per week, for ??? amount of weeks, until they run out of topics I guess. Hopefully it won’t be for a while, and I’ll get a chance to make a decent amount of money. Freelance life is pretty weird stuff. I literally am writing for a living, but I’m not getting any credit for this shit, but I AM making a decent living, like seriously that’s probably going to be around a 20 hour work week, possibly even a little less, and I’m going to make $400. That’s the stuff kids. That’s the dreams that English majors who don’t really want to work very hard dream of. I should go back for my Masters (degree), but I don’t want to have to take out loans, and I would have to. I dunno. I do not know. On the list of things I know, whether or not I will go back for my masters is not one of those things on the list. It is missing from le list. listless. Things that are on the list include:

– I know I’m hungry because I felt suddenly sick earlier and puked up the only thing I’ve eaten today.

– I know I really want to buy a fun birthday present for my boyfriend but things are expensive.

– I know having an amazon prime account is hella dope.

– I know the neighbors that we fucking hate because they are terrible people got like 6 parking tickets and a boot on their car and that makes me happy in my cold little heart

– I know they are having trouble paying their rent on time / at all, and I fucking hope they get kicked out.

– I know my boyfriend just got home with food so I’m totally done with this now bye

Punk

so last night was first rate awful, and I felt sick and puny all day today. Still haven’t gotten work and I’m hoping it will happen soon. I should be using this time for something productive but I just have not been. I feel shitty about it. Tomorrow we are planning on going to a movie, which I really hope happens because I could use a day out and about for sure. We even have free tickets.  I’m gunna try to sleep now and hopefully feel better tomorrow

In so mania

Duuuuuuude I need to sleep!! Stressing about lots of stuff. Stressing yourself is so fucking pointless and counter productive why can’t I make it stop? Please let me sleep. ZzzzzZZzzz etc. That would be rad. R.A.D. Yeah. Okay. I’m going to try counting by fours or telling myself brain stories or something. Wish me luck