I’m not doing well. I have no motivation and I feel empty inside and all I want to do is sleep and be gone and not have to think. I need to find work… Like… a week ago. They keep saying it’s coming soon but I haven’t heard anything and I should probably just suck it up and find a terrible job somewhere that pays less than I deserve but is actually reliable. That’s the responsible move. Kill my childish notion that I can somehow escape the daily grind prescribed by a morally bankrupt capitalist society. If something doesn’t happen soon things are guna be real bad money wise and it’s my fault.
I dunno. I have no excuses for any of the things I hate about myself. At least I’m not in excruciating physical pain anymore. Just beating myself up mentally wishing I could get a break from myself. Sleep. Sick of living in the midst of stupid gross loud losers and college kids. Walking on tip toes trying to keep everything together. Not looking forward to the epic recording session that’s coming up soon. By the end of next week. I’m dry and scared and completely uninspired. If it was up to me I’d probably let the project die, so I guess it’s good it’s not up to me. I can’t even move, I feel paralyzed and unable. Stuck in a swimming pool of jello. Not good. Not doing well.