I feel like I must be pretty close to my period (which makes sense time wise I guess) because of my fucking emotional instability. I feel all jacked up on anger and energy, fucking annoyed to death by every little thing, just mad mad irritated. everything grating against me every fucking noise and sight. And I just want to sit somewhere dark by myself and listen to loud dumb music on my headphones for like 8 hours … or maybe run around for a while… or what the fuck ever man. Like… I feel a deep sense of restlessness. I dunno. fuck it. fuck everything. fuck me up. I feel repressed and fucking gross for talking about it like shut the fuck up you whiny little bitch no one needs or heeds this shit. Light bulbs used to explode all the time around me, especially when I was pissed, especially especially when I was pissed and I turned them on. It happened today, the hall light bam gone darkness style. I don’t know if I really believe in that kind of shit anymore, but I found it a little bit amusing in an annoying … no light in the hallway sort of way. Making dinner and making strides and not doing my real work at all really at all at all. I did a little but should have done more. I’ve got a ton to do and Saturday is pretty much a ghost day when it comes to work, like ghost money in the bank, it’s there but you know you have to spend it on something else so it might as well not be there at all. Ghost. So that just leaves tomorrow and Sunday mostly, but it’s due on Sunday at 10pm. Whatever tho. I’ll fucking get it done. I need to go now, even though I’m finding writing this wicked calming for some reason. Need to finish dinner and see if I can cool my fucking shit enough to be good company and do some stuff tonight.

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