27

My birthday is tomorrow (technically it’s in like four hours I guess) and I feel antsy and angsty and keyed up and let down and fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m going to be 27 fuck. I can’t even do my own fucking taxes how am I supposed to be 27? I can’t even pay for my own groceries sometimes, how the fuck am I supposed to be 27? ***internal screaming*** If I go back to school right now I could have my masters’ by the time I’m 30…. which is something I guess?  But do I actually want to do that at all? And rack up debt? Like… for what? What am I going to do with a Masters? Teach, maybe, I guess. That doesn’t sound too bad really, as long as it’s not children. Teach community college or low level four year college if I get lucky. Teach online classes and not have to actually look at people in the face even. That doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe I should. But like… what would I even get it in? English? That’s not worth shit yo. Would I have to re-take the fucking GRE because I did pretty shitty on it because it was the second day of my FUCKING PERIOD and I was in AGONIZING PAIN the whole time I was trying to fucking concentrate and take that shit? I don’t fucking know. But like…. I should probably look into it and decide. Soon. Now. My parents (always) want to do something with me for my birthday, and this year I decided I just wanted to go to their house. (I have a shit ton of laundry to do anyway) because it just feels…. comforting I guess. I can pretend I’m a little kid all huddled up safe in my parents’ house and not a full on ~officially upper 20s~ adult. They can still keep me safe from the troubles of the world right? right? right? (no, sorry, no.) I swear, I’m the fucking worse at having birthdays I’m probably almost certainly going to cry at some point I’m ridiculous. But! right now, right now, while I’m still 26, I’m going to go to the gym, and fucking move my body, and try my sad sorry best to do right by it. Maybe I’ll feel better after, I often do.

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One thought on “27

  1. mrandisg says:

    Happy (late) birthday! Hope it was good. And don’t worry–I’m 39, with a kid who turned 10 this year, and I still have the same issues about being an adult, going back to school, and everything. Sometimes you just want to run away from reality and be a kid again for awhile. And on your birthday, you should have that right to do so. 🙂 And I know that coming back to said reality is easier said than done. Just hang in there. Wish I had some better advice, but that’s all I got.

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