Sometimes it’s the weekend, in the waning week of September and the fall air slowly starts to fall over your city. Sometimes you look at Friday night against a backdrop of city lights and feel your chest grow tight tight tight.
I’m so wicked sick of staring at spreadsheets for hours and hours and days and days. But I’ve still got a solid 6 days of that ahead of me. And hey! Hopefully more! Hopefully lots fucking more! Hopefully oceans more! Because I need the money and all working is suffering but at least with this I can suffer on my couch while fish tank kings plays in the background. And I don’t have to talk to anyone face to face, which is a massive bonus. But I really am incredibly sick of it. Like I haven’t had a single complete “day off” where I didn’t do any work since this batch started which was… like….some time last week? I don’t even remember exactly it’s all just a big blurr of lines and links and ones and zeros. But pretty sure it’s been at least a week. Yeah, definitely! Because I was doing some the night we got the snake. Yeah. Whatever. Keep it coming, I need the money. Please, keep it coming. I’m deal. I’m tired and I have a headache and I haven’t eaten anything today and it’s 5:30 pm but I didn’t really do that on purpose, it just happened and I was going to eat something earlier but my brother asked if I wanted to go to the gym right then so I went instead and now my boyyyyy is going to bring food home for me, which is awesome… because I’m mad hungry. Time is going too fast. It’s fall and this month went too fucking fast it was just my birthday a few days ago how is it already about to be October? I have so much shit I need to deal with I’m really not ready for it to be October. Suck as much as I can out of these days, between spreadsheet lines and links and lines. I taught myself how to play the jurassic park theme on my ukulele. I sounded it out on my own while I was very drunk. I’m kinda proud of myself, I’ve never actually tried to sound something out like that before and it was surprisingly easy.
We got another snake. He’s a lavender motley corn snake and he’s incredibly cute and incredibly small. He ate a meal on Friday, which is awesome.
I fucking love snakes like I feel so passionate about snakes. I haven’t felt this passionate about something in a long time and it’s kinda nice, even though it’s kind of a weird thing.
I’m doing a lot of freelance work this week… which is really nice money wise, but sucks pretty much every other way. And yet I keep hoping for more. I need the money. Keep it coming. Keep me busy and bored and antsy and anxious. Hell yeah, give me that work.
I’m watching my parents dogs tonight which is kinda annoying because it makes getting my work done harder, but whatever. I said I would do it.
Other stuff is happening too but I don’t feel like talking about it so I’m not going to.
Here’s a picture of tiny snake. It doesn’t really do justice to his amazing pink/purple (lavender) colors… but it’s still mad cute.
Today’s playlist features 100% electro pop type stuff… with all female vocals. Deal with it kids. this is what I’ve been listening to lately because i just have yo. It doesn’t hit me in the feels but it still sometimes makes me feel. It’s fun and light and flighty. Wishing you all as well as my bad self a good weekend. Much love.
1. Purity Ring – Flood on the Floor
2. Melanie Martinez – Soap
3. Tritonal – Still with me (Ft. Cristina Soto) (Seven Lions Mix)
Just started my period… Which explains some stuff emotionally. Now all i want to do is cry and hide in a tiny ball and not look too hard at anything. Just ugh. Yeah. I can’t deal. My mind seems super determined to torture me with thoughts of every bad thing I’ve ever done or seen or had happen to me. Awesome. Let’s fucking roll that horror show out. Yeah baby! Just fucking play that shit! Sure! X_x i feel sick and bad and just can’t fucking deal. Nothing is right. I’m cold and lost and afraid.
I want to go to a concert like i used to as a kid. Fucking loud and pointless and i jump in the mosh pit throwing myself against other bodies for no real fucking reason, just to feel and bruise and be alive. Not even good music just an experience. And maybe i will go. That’s a thing i can do by myself cuz I’m a fucking adult. I’m brave and ready and i miss my stupid skater shoes sometimes. Fuck it. I can do it if i want.