long live

I’ve started writing my “letter of intent” for grad school. Well…. I’ve started writing it in my head at least. I think it will shape up pretty well, but I should probably read a few examples of other people’s before I actually write mine. I don’t know what I’m going to use for my writing samples yet. (Maybe I should just give them a link to this blog aay??! … just kidding please never look at my blog grad school peeps please never look at my blog please never look at it.) The best of my old poems? Should I try to write some new stuff? I don’t have a lot of time, and I haven’t tried to write that style of stuff in quite a while… but maybe I could, I dunno. I’m not sick anymore. I had a fever and I couldn’t sweat it out, but I shivered it out apparently. I might get some kind of new type of curation work, it seems complicated and I’m really not looking forward to trying to learn a new type of thing like that… but like… supposedly it’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it, so we’ll see. I really do need the work and I shouldn’t complain but I’m super sick of curating shit honestly. It’s so tedious. I’m listening to the new Atreyu album and it just doesn’t have the much-ness that the old ones did. But maybe that’s just because I’m not an angsty angsty teenager anymore. But really I feel like the earlier albums had a lot more artistry and like weird vampire lore mixed in and interesting lyrical concepts and these seem like shallow copies, or someone else trying to write songs that sounded like their style but they mostly aren’t about anything. But I dunno, a spark of it is still there and still in me and I would like to celebrate it and let it burn if I can. I still understand the beauty of having someone scream for you in ways you can’t. Of that note of desperation, desperately trying to get something across and that’s the best you can do and it’s raw and imperfect and rings with that feeling. Yeah. I can still understand that.

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