And Friday night, for those few hours, it was the most at peace I’d felt for a long time. I suck big sucks at admitting I need stuff… But I managed to do it, and it worked out. Briefly I knew peace. I feel like leap day should be a holiday, since it’s rare and special. Well, for me it’s going to be spent working. Working on everything. Doing a shit ton of soul extinguishing menial work for very little money. Basically half of my normal rate. Basically it’s all a lot of bullshit and I’m dead tired of it. But at the same time I gotta be glad to have it. It’s tiring and I’m tired. Maybe I’ll be able to blow through it tomorrow, with my headphones in and no distractions. The whole thing’s got me feeling wicked nervous. Sick with doubt and dread. I shoulda rowed today but I took a walk instead.