vines

sometimes i get choked up because of the specific word choice in a song, the way a certain word hits me just just right. Usually it’s choices that seem odd but I know they are deliberate. Sometimes I drink a lot of coffee and I can’t hold still and my hands skitter across the keyboard and my mind skitters across itself. I am a beautiful prototype of an organic machine. Beta testing myself every day with no backup if a fatal error occurs. And that’s okay. That’s alright. I wonder if anything I’ve written hits someone like that. It’s probably vain to wonder, but I wonder. I should set up an etsy shop, finish up the pieces I’m working on. Keep working, and try not to think about the date. Try not to think about when I’ll find out about grad school. Try not to wonder if it’s even the right path for me, or what the hell I’d do as plan B. “what are you passionate about?” my mom asks me and I don’t say snakes but the answer is snakes. Instead I brush off the question. Yeah, I should tell them. At least my brother is firmly on my side about it. He enjoys their company now. Sometimes I think so much about a thing that I become paralyzed with indecision. Sometimes my brain gives me a pass and I take it. Then suddenly it’s 5pm and you’re little more than 10% done with the work you have due tomorrow. And that’s okay. That’s alright. You have the evening and the night.

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