the house of eternal return

hahahaholy fucking shit. Oh my god. Aces day. Aces fuckng day. what a great day to be me and to be alive and to be alive as me. what an insane intense day. honestly, meow wolf, santa fe, one of the coolest fucking things that I have ever seen in my entire baby life. and god i want so save it all, to add it all to my eternal memory…. but fuck. jesus fucking christ. the art exibit alone was so fucking mind blowing and we spent nearly two hours in there. Going and seeing and every turn is something and “look for hidden doors” he says to me, and in the next room I find the best one. The best one. The coolest fucking one… and he never would have thought of it. But then there was the show too. And I want to remember every fucking second of it… but I know that just isn’t how it goes. haha. we were so fucking close. Standing room, almost front row, one person in front of us. and people on the balconies, but they aren’t balconies. they are the house, the house of eternal return and they are rooms and they are looking down but we are down, we are there and she is singing the things that make my heart go go go go go alive hahah wow. right there. right there so close to my face and I listen and I am alive. She jokes and banters and talks to us and I am alive. It is the smallest venue. It is the perfect venue. But when it is over we mill around to meet her, and we are afraid, so we let others go, but eventually our time comes, and we hand her our fucking album, and tell her the reason why, and she takes it, and she hugs us, and she touches my arm, gently and deliberately. and omy breath it goes it goes it’s here I’m alive. I’m alive and it’s all real and it’s so real and it’s happening and everything happens. this moment is something and mine and I speak. But soft. And we leave, and see that she is still honding our album in her hands, and that is an image for me to keep in my mind. That is an image for me. and forever. Ha. fuck. there’s so much more. so many tiny beautiful things. We sat on the floor and stood and spun, and screamed, and sung, and the tuning, and the lyrics, and the words and oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. But it’s impossible for me to record so and I kept it real as it happened. FOr me and for me and it’s only a one time thing. it happened and I was there and I was alive and I was brave in a real way. A way that matters and happens and does. yes.

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