I’m finding it nearly impossible to concentrate on doing my work… or doing anything really. My brain like won’t bring the right words into focus, it’s super annoying. I’ve written 45 fucking wedding guide things, and it will be 60 by the end of the day on Tuesday. @_____@ Isn’t that special?? Just super duper special. Yeah. yeah. yea. ye. y. I didn’t do any yesterday because I just couldn’t deal with it. And we went to the opening of my brother’s girlfriend’s dance studio last night. (“She’s like the president of belly dancing in the city now.” My brother said. “… so I’m like… the first man of belly dancing.”) It was pretty cool, a nice little place and a TON of people showed up. They did two sets of dancing and we watched the second half. A lot of amateurs and students and a lot of them sucked… but that’s not the point of this story. The point is that there were people with all kinds of different body types. People with bodies that look quite a bit like mine. And they danced in front of a crowd, and exposed their whole belly all out there, all jiggling all rhythmically, they were confident and happy. One lady was doing a solo and at one point she was looking at herself in the big mirror that lines one wall. The way she looked at herself and smiled… I … damn. I’ve never felt like that about my body. Not for one single second in my entire life could I have ever looked at myself with that sort of look filled with pure self love and acceptance and happiness. I think that’s really admirable, and I’m glad it exists for someone at least.
Aaaanyhoo… we didn’t get home until like 11pm and I was just too burnt out to do any work, so instead I drank some rum and took the night off. And some stuff happened. Some stuff that I liked, that helped me feel a little more grounded, a little more myself. Some stuff that left me feeling pretty sore in a lot of different parts of my body (mostly my upper arm, damn).
Yeah. It’s weird and I’m weird and I’m so fucking tired really now. Like… it’s 1am and I still have a shit ton of work I need to do before I can sleep. I’m gunna be pretty fucked if I don’t get it done… so here we go. Hopefully I can force myself to focus… and maybe, just maybe I’ll be done by the time it’s time for the S.O to wake up for class. heh. ugh. yeah. blugh. yeah. whatever. yeah. yea. ye. y.