wet paint

So here we are again. By we I mean me mostly, but you know how it is. This weekend was very interesting and mostly pretty dang cool. I could say a ton of stuff about it, but this isn’t the right place and also it’s pretty personal, so I’ll just say I am a white field with a fresh black dot.

New project with a new client. (well, they aren’t that new… I’ve had them as a client for a couple weeks but they didn’t actually have any work until now) It’s more product descriptions, in a slightly different format, longer and with more specific requirements and I have to put links in them and do HTML formatting I guess? Not a great payment rate really, but I need to take it and do some while I can. Within the next couple months I need to make an extra ~$450 above and beyond my usual expenses because I’m going to pay for my S.O to take two summer classes out of pocket. Yeah… so…. that’s probably going to suck. (and by probably I mean definitely. It’s definitely going to fucking suck) Anyway, yeah. We’ll figure it all out probably hopefully hopefully probably maybe possibly probably definitely probably. Should I be looking for a better fucking job? I don’t even know. I don’t even know what I should do. I don’t have a plan B and I don’t want to do any of the plan B things I’ve been able to come up with. yeah. cool. I saw this thing online yesterday saying that Hawaii was hiring a ton of people with bachelor’s degrees as teachers cuz they have a massive teacher shortage. And like…. I hate working with kids but if it wasn’t for all my people here I would seriously consider it. Spend a year in Hawaii or whatever? Teach English to a bunch of island kids? But my family would be pretty devastated if I left for that long. Starting salary of like $50,000 a year, which I know isn’t amazing, but it’s most definitely more than I’ve ever made in my tiny baby life. I could learn how to surf and hopefully not get eaten by a shark. -shrugs eternally off into the sunset- I hate summer, it’s so hot and who the fuck knows when they’re gunna turn our AC on. Hahaha. I have so many things to pay for it’s really freaking me the fuck out. But at the same time I’m having a really really hard time forcing myself to concentrate and write these stupid things. I’m so freaking tired of typing shit for people for money. Fucking bullshit descriptions of things I hate looking at and hate in general. My laptop is my favorite enemy, I never even look at it anymore unless I’m working. Everything else I do mobile style. It’s kinda funny, but like also not. You know what else is kinda funny but like also not? I’m annoyed with myself about how much I let myself eat this past weekend, and my stupid stupid fuckass brain just keeps saying “eating more stuff will make you feel better about it” and I’m like… in what fucking bizarro universe is that a true statement? Where the actual fuck did you get that idea buddy? Why is your logic so ridiculous and terrible, and why do you want me to fail at the things I care about? These are the real questions. Fortunately, I am smarter than my base brain thoughts. Well…. most of the time at least. I’m going to go to the gym in a little over an hour, and I’m going to run two miles and I’m going to do a full body circuit. Then I’m going to come home, and shower, and concentrate on my fucking work for the remainder of the night. That’s basically my plan of action. yeah. Doesn’t sound too bad overall. Not great… but not bad. I’ll knock out a few product descriptions, make some money, make myself feel like the type of person who does work and is a real adult… etc. I wanna try soylent 2.0 (or 1.5 for that matter) but it’s like…. pretty dang expensive, and I’m like…. pretty dang not having money. Maybe I’ll ask my parents to buy some for me…. I dunno. I wanna try it tho, I have for years ever since I first first heard about it. Yeah. okay. okay. yeah. whatever. I’m so freaking done with stuff for now. Sorry this is so ridiculous and long but really not sorry at all, no one is forcing you to read it.

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