Weddings are big business yo. Big flowers, big dresses, big chances for couples to make their acquaintances think they have their lives together, whether or not they actually do at all. Big disappointments probably a lot of the time. It makes me feel a little heart sick to write these sparkling descriptions, these whimsical missives to a mass audience of strangers. And have my rose bouquet words changed anyone’s fates? Has anyone decided to go with the ballroom on the sixth floor of the Marriott hotel, instead of the banquet hall on the fourth floor of the Raddison because I told them the view was better? You should know, I’ve never seen it. I’ve never breathed the air of your city. I’ve never gotten off an airplane and made my way past the somehow-always-the-same-everywhere-you-go decor of your airport, I’m sorry. You should know, I just estimate the amount of guests you could fit in each room if their website doesn’t say. On average you need about 12 sq. feet of space per person for a seated reception, and about 10 sq. feet for a standing reception. You should know, I write each one of these guides with less passion than you put into writing your grocery list. You should know, the Raddison has better parking.