I feel like I’m going in slow fucking motion. Like everything is slow fucking motion. Dragging around a huge sack of rocks, all of my fingers led weights pushing through gelatin. Too much resistance, and fuck, I’m tired in a soul style way. Happy 2 week anniversary to my nose piercing. (has it really already been that long?) I’m downing coffee and slogging through all this bullshit work and trying to get myself psyched up enough to fucking row. God, I feel so fucking weak and bad. what the fuck?
** half hour later**
Haha never fucking mind. I just needed to drink some coffee and listen to loud music in my private headphone world and now I’m cool. Feelin’ alive, doin’ the shit I need to get done. 4 more guides to do today, and I’ll make $100 and everything will be cool. My little brother’s boss is being a dick and won’t pay for a third beer to be sent to this national competition they’re doing, and it’s only like $160. Like… that’s only 8 fucking wedding guides. I could do that shit in one day and bankroll the whole venture. But I think my bro is going to be able to talk him into it, so it won’t be a problem. I need to kick it up a notch in my output for these guides anyway. Like…. I didn’t do nearly enough this last week, I need to do a lot more this coming week. I need to breach 100. I am the KiNg Of WeDdInGs. I have SUPREME KNOWLEDGE.
** like an hour later or some shit, who fucking knows **
Alright, another one down. Three to go. I’m going to go get changed into some type of exercise clothes and then I’m going to go move my body and probably get incredibly fucking pissed that my rowing machine slides across the floor as I use it and it’s so fucking annoying and I’ve tried non-slip shit and doorstops and man, it just really makes my rage sensors go off, you know?
**approximately one earth hour later**
Exercise complete, human bathing ritual complete. My jam pants have a ton of little schnauzers on them. It is very cute. Energy really starting to flag again. I am the very hungry, but it is not time for the consumption of calories yet. Instead, more coffee. More loud music. more typing. let my nerves rattle and my hands shake, tremble, that’s alright. That’s just fine.
**38.43 minutes later**
1,500 words written. 1,000 words left to complete before termination of work cycle. 85mg of caffeine consumed, 65mg of caffeine remaining in mug. Recommendation: Consume remaining caffeine and continue.
** A measure of time passes as ships through the night**
and I have done, with mind and bones and fingerprints, one portion more of that which I have promised to complete. Who among you counts these promises and holds me accountable? None but I. With each sip and sliver I continue. With each quake and hunger I am closer to this arbitrary goal. Weakness tugs at my hands and will. One more, and one only for this night.
*anoteher hour I think*
done. ugh. yeah. cool. yeahk. Whatever. It’s done. It happend and it’s done and I finished what I said I would finish so that’s cool. yeah. okay. I’m goin to drink stuff and eat a taco now peace.