Tidal

A thousand things are running through my mind right now, and I’m also exhausted. I need to make money, I need stability and I need money. I think of projects and long shots when what I should probably do is get a real job. Last month I made 2 grand and it was awesome and this month I’ve made nothing. That’s not a sustainable lifestyle, and I know it. I just don’t know what I’m doing and what the hell would I even do? So instead I work on long shot projects and think about how cool it would be if one of them turned fruitful. Speaking of shit like that I should make an etsy account… like… right now. *does it* Dude, I feel so exhausted right now. I did a *lot* of physical activity today, which felt really good but I’m definitely tired. I went to the gym, and did Cardio Roundabout(tm) which is where I do four different cardio things for five minutes each, and switch between them really quickly before my heart rate has a chance to slow down. I actually did the treadmill twice, alternating between walking and jogging. Running feels good to me now, which is fucking awesome. I also did some weight machines, yeah. Anyway, after that I rode my bike to the store, and then rode all around. I really like riding my bike, it’s efficient and nice and fun. I feel oddly… free? when I arrive at the store with nothing but my bike and my backpack. Also, it’s sorta fun / challenging to shop knowing that I can only get as much stuff as will fit into my backpack.  So yeah, a few minutes after I got back from my ride my brother asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him and his dog and I said sure and did that. I wish I had a really good sports bra, or that a really good sports bra for boobz this size existed and didn’t cost like $200. Buuuuut whateva. Not gunna worry about that right now. I’m working on a (sort of) creative writing project. It’s weird and it feels so fucking silly, honestly. I feel incredibly silly while I’m writing it, like who the fuck do I think I am? Who the fuck do I think I’m kidding with this shit? I dunno, I just feel ridiculous… but at the same time it’s like… I literally have the entire plot laid out, and it’s exactly what it needs to be for what it is, and that never fucking happens, I never manage to do that. Soooo apparently I’m going for it. We’ll see what happens. I’m so rusty at writing this type of thing. Like… I’m having a hard time just describing things in a convincing way. I’m writing a little fight scene right now, like a tiny physical altercation and it’s … hard??? for me??? I miss working on music stuff. I would like to do some of that soon. Make a new song. I think Michael would like that too. Let’s see… what else is happening? I dunno. Lots of shit. Lots of shit I’m really stressed about. Mainly money related stuff. Everything is expensive, and pressing, and scary. But hey, it just started raining. And hey, maybe I can start selling my dirty panties on the internet! And hey, maybe my custom made jewelry featuring real shed snake skin will totally take off on Etsy. And hey, maybe my mom found a true historical treasure buried in an old suitcase. And hey, maybe I’ll eek out a living writing quick and dirty romance novels Harlequin style. Shit, it’s suddenly almost 4am. I should go the fuck to sleep. My sleep schedule has been pretty ridiculous lately, and I’d like to do something about that as well in the near future? possibly?? maybe?? whatever. My body feels lithe and alive and sore and tired, so hopefully my mind will be cool and let me sleep. Peace.

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