I’m still not sold on this whole mess

Whoops, it’s late again, and I’m listening to music again, and I feel sorta like crying again. Whoops. I should be doing a number of productive things right now, but I’m over it for the night. I might toy with my personal writing a bit still I guess, but I should really go to sleep soon. I have to report for jury duty tomorrow. I have literally no idea what it’s going to be like at all??? in any type of sense?? But I bet it’s going to be hella boring, and I’m not allowed to bring my cell phone in… so extra boring. I’m supposed to be there at 2pm, so I’m assuming / hoping that they’ll let us go by 5 at least?? I really have no idea tho. Man, I really really want to write a new song. I’m not exactly feeling inspired to write one, but I really want to. Something different and wild and true. I dunno. I want to be so strong and run so far. I want to be able to drag heavy things and throw devastating punches. A couple weeks ago drunk me signed up for a free self-defense seminar. It’s on Saturday and I think sober me still wants to go. It’s like four hours long and I dunno, it could be interesting. I feel so weird and antsy, I should probably take some type of sleep inducing medication, or I’m going to be awake for like 133,200 miles. Haha whoops, I just almost gave myself a little mini existential crisis by figuring out how far the earth travels in two hours. (18.5 miles per second. Holy shit, we’re bookin’ it!) I just found out that there is gunna be a new book by one of my all time fave authors coming out on October 4th, so that makes my tiny book heart pretty happy. Okay, I should be done doing this. I should take a benadryl and do a salt soak for my healing nose piercing (It’s doing way better since I switched the stud out for a ring, and also the ring looks pretty cool, even though it’s a little bigger than I would like. It’s definitely more of a Statement Piece than a tiny stud, and I know my parents don’t really like it… but like… it’s my face… sooo yeah) The other night My S.O were talking about marriage, and I think if we ever *do* actually get married (which like… we would only do if it was financially advantageous tbh.) it would be cool to do a surprise wedding (Andy and April style) like… hey, we’re having a big party and everyone *has* to be there! Haha! surprise! you’re actually at our wedding! I dunno. That’s like… the only way I can imagine doing it. I mean…  all the planning? all the agonizing and all the rental fees and caterers and bullshit? Relatives flown in, rehearsal dinners, clothes fittings, God… I hate that bullshit so much. Okay, anyway, yeah.  *snaps fingers manically* time for doing those bedtime things!

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