court is adjourned

I spent a lot of today at Jury duty, as part of a Grand Jury, holding people’s fates in my hands like tiny baby birds (Tiny baby birds who almost all for sure committed some crimes) And it was… really draining?? It didn’t help that I only slept for like 3 hours the night before. Also, I awoke to an email saying that I got rejected from that project that I did a trial for a couple days ago. That’s literally never happened to me before for a writing project like that and it’s making me feel pretty terrible tbh. I thought I might have fucked it up and apparently I fucking fucked it up. Soooo I’m trying not to hyper focus on that and just move on. Anyway, I got 3 guides written while I was at jury duty, because there were lots of breaks because everything takes forever all the time. I can’t tell you guys about any of the specifics about the cases because “ALL GRAND JURY PROCEEDINGS MUST REMAIN SECRET FOREVER” It literally says that all huge in the handbook, it’s pretty hilarious. The whole process was bizarre and tedious and like… why didn’t I try harder to get out of it?? I might have been able to??  The dude who sat across the table from me was the most annoying person I’ve encountered in a really long time. Like… he was asking the most asinine questions and focusing on details that didn’t. fucking. matter. to. the. cases. Like… it doesn’t fucking matter whether the person was drunk or on drugs, you don’t need to fucking ask that. WAS the thing they did illegal?? Yes?? Then it doesn’t fucking matter whether or not they were drunk while they were doing it. It doesn’t fucking matter if their reason for being angry when they did the thing was valid or not.  That does not make the thing they did any more or less illegal. At first I was just being quiet (because I’m shy AF) but he kept asking shit that was sooo0 not relevant so I just kept fucking reminding him that those things weren’t fucking relevant to the case and that wasn’t what he was supposed to be considering. Listen to the evidence given. Does it sound like the person did the thing? Or did the person not do the thing? All these random extraneous factors you’re trying to bring into it DON’T. FUCKING. MATTER. This isn’t the actual trial. We’re just trying to decide if they *should* go to trial. Jesus, why don’t you ask about their star signs while you’re at it you fucking old ass douchenugget. Also while we were on our lunch break and I was trying to get some work done to make the most out of my time there he wouldn’t fucking stop trying to talk to me. Like… ignoring all of my “DON’T TALK TO ME” social cues. Such as: looking only at my laptop and typing things on my laptop. Wearing fucking HEADPHONES. Giving one or two word responses to your questions. Like… dude. Go back to eating your nasty looking yogurt and leave me the fuck alone. I was the youngest on the jury by at least 5 years, which was sorta weird I guess? (Lowest age number highest IQ number tbh.) Like… they all just seemed so much fucking slower than me. Slower at reading, slower at understanding directions, slower at coming to obvious conclusions. It was weird and I sound sorta like an arrogant asshole right now but it was a true fact. Oh, and another thing that fucking douche guy did that pissed me off?? I ended up basically explaining my whole job to him hoping that if he realized I was actually trying to do my literal work he would leave me the fuck alone, but that was a naive hope I suppose. Instead, he said some shit like…. “wow, that sounds sort of like the opposite of my career path. I started by working a 9 to 5 and then when I had a solid financial foundation I just kinda started goofing around.” AND I’m like…. excuuuuuuuuse me bitch?? You saying that I’m goofing around?? You think writing a fucking novel’s worth of words about super tedious topics in two weeks is goofing around? You think I’m having a jolly good time? Fuck your baby boomer fucking ass. You ruined the economy and now you’re living off social security from our fucking taxes you piece of shit. You know NOTHING about what it’s like to try and make it out here now. You can’t just “get a solid financial foundation” that easily anymore you fuckwit. You absolute tool. You have no idea what kind of shit we’re facing, what kind of uphill battle it is. How fucking DARE you insinuate that I’m “goofing around” because the way I make money isn’t traditional. You are out of touch and out of bounds and you’re lucky we’re already in a court room because you’re gonna want a lawyer when I knock your fucking teeth out you piece of shit.  aaaaaaaannnnyyyywwwwwaaaaayyyyyy…. I also started my period while I was there… sooo…. that definitely added to my overall rage. And now it’s midnight, and I still have six guides to write before I can go to sleep, and I’m exhausted but also sorta feeling hyper-focused? Or maybe just hyper-motivated? There’s a **chance** that I can actually have a semi-relaxed night tomorrow, and god, I want that so much. I’ve been working so much non-stop almost all the hours I’ve been awake for days and days and days and man, I could really really use a breather, you know? But that’s only going to happen if I kick it into overdrive right now and immediately when I wake up tomorrow. I’m tired guys. I’m so fucking tired.

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