and nothing but the truth

Jury duty got real today. I volunteered to be the foreperson because they were trying to make a (stupid) old lady do it, and she didn’t want to so I volunteered. I swore people in and talked to criminals and lead the discussion and swayed the vote with my cold logic again and again.  It was one of the most emotionally exhausting days of my life, honestly. 9 hours of the bottom of the barrel of humanity. From drunk mistakes to purposeful violence to true horrors. All for me to see and hear and know. And today to lead others through. My voice all staying strong as I’m reading counts that turn my stomach.  I don’t know what else I’m trying to say. I don’t know what else to say at all. It’s all too much and I’m so tired and overwhelmed and I haven’t slept properly in a long while. Self care is lots of different things. It’s a long shower, it’s letting yourself cry, it’s deciding you need to be done working even if you haven’t reached your goal. It’s successfully changing out your nose ring for a cute little stud. It’s drinking 32oz of beer while watching a fun and scary tv show. It’s putting your computer away now.

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