- 11done4togo Brain thoughts, brain thoughts do me a sold and go faster. please. fucking hook it up bro. I’ve got four more things to write and I’m exhausted and it’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m chewing a piece of energy gum and doing everything today. 11 guides done and it will be 15 and if everything works out the way I want it to work out I’ll have made $600 in 3 days by like 5 or 6pm tomorrow that is. yeah. Basically, I need to kill these last four, queue up five more, try my best to pass the fuck out immediately, sleep for (hopefully) six hours, wake up and write those five things I claimed before their 12 hour time limit expires. and yeah, that’s basically my plan. I’ve been writing them two at a time because it seems to go faster and it gives my brain a little more to do? or like, if I’m stuck on one I can just go work on the other one for a minute and then I’ll figure out whatever it is I need to say on the other one. yeah. let’s go.
- 13done2togo. Brain is rushslow caffeinedead. Beat beat beat but the words still come too slow. Push them all out, please, please, please. The queue is starting to dwindle but god, but god, I don’t want to have to grab them all quite yet. I’ve got two and I want I want I want a little more time to grab the others. Please, please. aaanyhooo… I should get back to work now.
- 15done0togo. Brain fucking pulled it off dude. hellz yeah. Now I’ve really really really goooottta try n sleep for a few hrs. prolly gunna not post this now and just continue it tomorrow or whatever. peace.
~~the next day~~
- 5 in the queue one done. I feel like I’m fucking dying. I’m so fucking tired and I can’t think and I have to just fucking think because the time is not stopping not slowing down. The time is just going and going and I fucking hate it so much. I don’t even know what the fuck to do with myself. I hate this. I feel so fucking wrecked and just like… I can’t stop thinking about the $85 of bills I have due in 7 days and have absolutely no fucking way of paying. Like I’m trying to fucking work and get my shit done but I keep obsessively thinking about that shit and feeling horrible about it. **thumbs up** After I’m done with all of this fucking work (it’s all due in 3 hrs so … I have to be done by then) I’m going to take pictures of all this shit and try to put it on e-bay, which I know is going to be a difficult and taxing task on its own. After I finish these I will have made $620… which is exactly $380 less than I need to pay all of my bills in a month. That’s not including any food or any extras or any other fucking being alive money. Basically, I’m having a fucking breakdown about my life right now and feeling horrible and trying to somehow fucking concentrate on this bullshit.
- 4 in queue two done. coffee kicked in a little bit. Just trying to numb myself and concentrate and bounce my fucking knee all over the place and listen to music but just let it wash over me, and bounce my knee, and numb myself out and write.
why do i feel like my heart is breaking right now
- 2 in queue four done. don’t know if I’ll have time for both of them but I’ll try. Cutting it close and cutting it closer. No more time to waste here.
- 0 in queue six done. cut it close. less than 20 minutes left on that last one. Brain still is the dead. Heart is beat beating because of caffeine now tho. Hands a bit shake shake because of no food yet. Soul weary. Soul worried. Maybe feeling slightly relieved, I dunno. I need more. This turned out weird and bad but I’m guna publish it anyway because fuck it.