Everyone is so nice to me at my weird new side job. This guy Craig lent me his shirt cuz they still haven’t given me one yet. I kinda hate borrowing people’s stuff, cuz it makes me paranoid, but I needed a shirt. I showed up and he was like “take off your shirt” and I was like “okay!” And just started doing it (cuz I had a tank top under and also I was pretty sure he was going to give me one) and he started cracking up that I would do that. Then I was checking all my guide’s equipment and getting shit ready to go and Craig called me over again. “Is this your first time?” He asked me, with a tone that was like… A lil concerned for me. “It’s my first time all by myself, without someone like… Shadowing me.” “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll still be shadowed… By the spirits!” He said and did his little sinister laugh. “Thanks! That makes me feel so much better!” (Weirdly it did a little actually) Then we went, and I got to see Charlie’s tour and he told me about a paranormal experience that he really had. He split the tips with me 50/50 even though he really did all the work and also I fucked up slightly on one thing. But he said it was okay, that I did well. My head is crowded with ghost stories, and I’m already starting to plan how I want to tell them. It’s a lot. I hope I’m not too overwhelmed when grad school starts. I’m going to drop myself from my freelance projects. I hope that’s enough. Really I’d like to do 3 nights a week or fewer of the tour thing. We’ll see. I feel so tired and everything feels like too much tbh. I need a day. I feel too vulnerable to let myself feel vulnerable. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s true. I feel too vulnerable to allow myself the luxury of feeling vulnerable. I want things and want things, but I’m afraid of getting actually hurt. I held out so strong so in control for a long little spell and it was good. I would gladly do it again. But now my blood sings for surrender, and I feel too vulnerable to let myself feel vulnerable. So there’s that lol. There’s that, and here’s to sleep. I have an arduous, taxing day ahead of me.