Happy Jew Year 5778

weary and wary. Both my freelance projects are done for the moment, and that’s what I would usually be doing right now… so I feel a little weird actually. There is a lot of school stuff I could be taking care of, but I’m currently not. I looked over all of it and it’ll be fine. I’ll do my film class first round on Thursday or Friday and my information literacy stuff Friday or Saturday, and my intro to grad stuff Saturday or Sunday and my film class second round stuff Sunday or monday, and my “ways of knowing” stuff Monday or tuesday or wednesday or whatever. It’s fine. It’ll probably be fine. So far I’m keeping up with school. I’m pretty much not nervous about my tour guide stuff anymore. I ended up not having to present yesterday, which was annoying because I stressed myself the fuck out about it so much. Instead I saw the boss lady do *her* version of the tour last night and… holy shit… let’s just say… I’m not nervous about showing her my presentation anymore. My rival still sucks and I still hate him, but he’s not going to be doing ghost tours in October at all. He’s going to be an assistant still through the whole month. Soooo ha. take that bro. Except he’ll probably assist for me sometimes, and I’m suuuper not looking forward to that. ALSO, apparently one of the full assistants (like… my favorite one) got fired for some reason. She’d been there for like 4 years, no idea what happened there… but she’s gone. That kinda sucks IMHO. I feel like they need to hire more **just assistants** but whatever. I just don’t wanna get stuck assisting basically. I’m over that assistant life. I ordered all of my equipment. I’m a little skeptical about the voice amp I picked out, but if it sucks I can probably return it in time to get another one by Monday. yeah. whateva. Tomorrow is Rosh Hoshanah, and we’re going over to my parents’ house for that. Probably guna do laundry too and whatever. As far as my personal style life and my heart soul stuff, I’m not sure how I’m doing tbh. Sometimes it seems real good. Real Good. And then other times I feel … heartsore and soulweary, and I can’t shut up the little voice that just whispers you’re not enough you’re not enough you’re not enough And I know that’s not really true. I know it’s … a lot more complicated than that. A lot more nuanced than that. But even so, even still, I can’t always (you’re not enough) logic my way out of it. It’s feelings and chemicals and visceral gut checks. And I’m tired. I’m pushing myself hard in a lot of different directions. Trying to balance, trying to find balance. Maybe I should try and sleep now. (Or maybe I’ll just watch vet ranch on YouTube and cry cuz I have built up emotions lol)

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