It’s 9pm, and I’m doing all of the freelance work that’s due tomorrow that I fucking forgot to do. LMAO. Like I legit just fucking forgot about it. That’s…. my bad for sure for sure. That’s the first thing that’s almost slipped thru the cracks since I started full time grad school on top of the two jobs that I apparently have. Soooo yeah. I’m working on that shit now. Oh, also I’m trying to do a little of that weird side work that’s still going on. ugh. Alright, 2/5 articles written, about 95% done with as much weird side work as I said I’d do. Alright, 4/5 articles written. I can’t believe how fucking sick I got last night, and how sick I felt today. Ugh. gross. That was fucking stupid and bad to do to myself. ugh. gross. I don’t even really know how it happened, but it happened. Oh well I guess. lol oh no! Now I just want to be smol and do dumb activities and color and not have to think about adult responsibilities. Oh no! What’s happening to meeeee?! Speaking of adult responsibilities, my fucking drivers’ license expires tomorrow. Soooo like…. that’s a thing that I need to deal with. ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh. Also, ugh, I just had to pay $70 for electricity because they keep bugging me and saying shit like “hey, man, hey, we’re gunna shut off your electricity if you don’t pay us” ugh. ugh. ugh. Having to pay for electricity. Gross. Gross. Okay, 5/5 articles written, 100% done with as much weird side work as I said I’d do. That’s good. I seriously almost 100% forgot to do it, jesus christ, that would have sucked a lot. Sorrryyyy editor, for doing them all last minute style. I usually have em done well in advance, so honestly she can deal. I kinda wanna get a leopard gecko. I dunno if it’s really a good idea. It would be an additional electricity expense, and an additional food expense, and I’d have to keep a supply of insects around, and it would be an initial expense, and I reeeeallly can’t be throwing money around yo. But it also sounds fun and they are super fucking cute and I want one. soooo … we’ll see I guess lol. If I move my snake to her big ass tank I would have basically everything I need except for like two things. Sooo… I dunno. I want to, I prrrobably shouldn’t, but it sounds hella fun and I want to lol. *takes a benadryl* I should try and catch a couple hours of sleep pretty soon here. I have to work tomorrow night. I need to do more work on everything really. ugh. Okay, I’m outtie.
Is this a place I’ve been in a dream? Do I dream now? No. Painfully clearly no. A strange and jarring alarm will sound in just a half hour. I’ve slept only an hour, but finished three assignments. It’s strange again to be a student. It’s strange again. A good day. Visits with friends and family. All of them want to see me. All of them want to see me perform. I am less afraid to disappoint than I was just yesterday. It’s all building and bubbling and coming together. Two days off after tomorrow. The note was very nice. A good surprise for me and only me and love. It’s stupid probably, but sometimes it bothers me to think that maybe there are people out there in the world wishing that I was out of the picture. Wondering in their little secret hearts what could be if I was. I imagine I feel the phantoms of their negative thoughts about me, fluttering like moth wings, alighting on my shoulders and leaving a powder fine residue behind. I dunno. Ten minutes and ten seconds now until a warp core collapse. I’m at the point in my new piercing’s healing process where I have to start disregarding the prescribed aftercare. I know what works for my body. I know what sort of aftercare I need.
Teach me to shrink like a violet
Teach me to grow like a weed
Kind eyes and soft spoken humor
branches exploding with seeds