better work

Dudes I’m so tired. (she says, again, for the thousandth time) Hey, shut the fuck up judgmental italics voice, this is a place I often come when I’m tired, so it’s natural that I would mention it… a lot. Anyway, shut the fuck up. (Whatever you say, sleepsy McGee) I swear to god… you need to shut the fuck up. Two of my friends came to see my tour tonight, it was sort of last minute, but it was cool to have them come and see it. It went pretty well overall, but I couldn’t help but feel… extra nervous having them there??? I don’t know why I would feel more nervous around my friends than fucking strangers… buuut oh well I guess. I *think* they liked it, I think they had fun. (Judgmental italics voice is trying to be a dick and tell me that those things aren’t true, that they thought it was dumb and I was dumb… but… judgmental italics voice needs to shut the fuck up). Aw man, I should have given them a button. I meant to, but I just forgot. It’s a lot. everything is a lot. My voice is fucking tired, it hurts and I can tell it’s starting to sound ragged. I really really hope I don’t have to fucking work tomorrow. I could have and maybe should have like… texted The Boss Lady and told her my voice is feeling not awesome and it would be great to have a night to rest it, but like… I hate doing things like that, and apparently I would rather gamble and possibly suffer, because I can’t stand the thought of looking even slightly weak or slightly unreliable. **thumbs up** (#dommeaesthetic) I did get another five star review yesterday tho, and a group asked me to take a picture with them after the tour, which was cute. I just finished all of my school work that is due tomorrow, so hopefully I can have some time to work on other projects. I want to do my big snake tank project, and I want to / really fucking need to get some exercise. I really need to figure out ways to incorporate more exercise into my daily routine, even when I have tours, even when I have school work to do. I need to make time for it, I need to prioritize it. It can be hard to schedule and figure out how to get it done with time to shower and be presentable by 7pm… but I need to get it figured out, because I’m starting to feel real fucking shitty about it. Anyway, yeah. There are lots of other things I want to do as well. (oh shit, it’s suddenly 4am lmao) I want to practice rope work (I’m quite pleased with the little ~appropriate for public wear~ collar and cuff set that I made from para-cord, and I want to try more things) I want to have time to just… be able to think about things I want to try, things I want to orchestrate, if that makes sense. I don’t want to just have to snatch little snippets of thoughts as I’m trying to mostly shut them up and concentrate on whatever piece of work I’m trying to do. The ability to just spend hours thinking about it and planning things out sounds so lovely and luxurious to me right now. I want to look into the viability of corks on needle ends. I want to study knots and boots and ginger roots. I want to hone myself into a fine sharp blade. I want time, time, time.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s