Tired and wired and overwhelmed. Trying not to let my heart guts hurt over it. Reading the terrible attempts of my peers always makes me feel a little better about my prospects, even though I’m The Procrastinatress of Last Minute Manor. It’s a lot, everything is a lot. But I’m doing it. It’s happening. Tomorrow a dude is coming to look at our fucked up fridge (and hopefully just replace it). I cleaned it all out and it was pretty disgusting. Then I got to take a 100% freezing shower because there was no hot water. Cool. This thing is due by 11pm tomorrow and I plan on having it done a while before that, but we’ll see I guess. Life is crazy and I’m having just…. so many different feelings right now it’s honestly so much to process. I sort of wish I had planned out like… an elaborate proposal, somewhere beautiful. But I suppose a cuddled conversation on the couch followed by some pretty intense sex is not the worst way to do it. (And really, there’s nothing stopping me from still doing something romantic and elaborate at another time if I am so inclined, preferably when I have more money and less on my only-est plate.) God, there are so many things I want to do. So many things I want to try. I feel keen eyed and capable. Exercising patience and restraint, stopping my hand from cutting through the air, stopping my teeth from cutting through skin. Easy, wait. It doesn’t feel like a suit I’m donning, a persona I’m exemplifying. It feels like me, keen eyed and capable. Mind racing with devious plots and thoughts and uses for knots. I want to see you cry and crawl and beg with my foot on your chest. Your wide-eyes shy away from mine, I burn and burn and exhale a dragon’s breath. I want to mark you everywhere, claim every inch of you. Breathe. Breathe. It’s late and this isn’t what I should be doing now. It’s 2am and these are not the thoughts I should be thinking. But on the other hand, I just came up with a topic for the paper I have to write. So there’s that. Now I need to go write a thesis and maybe start to outline this bitch. Then, if I’m very lucky, I’ll be able to catch a tiny bit of sleep.