heywhat’supyouguys? It’s 12:30 and I’m trying to make some progress on this fucking paper. I’m like… exhausted but also having a slow burn anxiety attack. I’m anxious about fucking everything. About getting this work done, about Hanukkah tomorrow, about how staying at my parents is going to go, with my S.O having to work and shit, I’m anxious about EVERYTHING basically. I dunno. I just feel like I’m trapped in a weird spot, mentally I guess. Anxious and restless and everything. Having a hard time keeping my mind from thinking about, stewing on, things that have sucked. Things that have made me feel bad. Like… why? Can’t? you? just? let? yourself? exist? in? the? now? space? where? that? isn’t? currently? happening? I dunno. I want time. I want intense, all night sessions that I map out beforehand. I will make of myself an architect, a lion tamer, a ring master. It’s cold, I’m cold, and my soul feels cold. I want to lay in bed and read and maybe drift off to sleep for a few hours, but I need to write this fucking paper dude. I need to FORCE my brain to CONCENTRATE. ugh. Okay, I’m guna do some work on that and then I’ll be back.


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