Oct

Hey, what’s up? I’m drunk and upset and I’m aboutta talk, so leave or buckle up. I should probably just get my stomach stapled, because i can’t fucking figure out how to deal with this another way. My insurance probably won’t cover it tho. I’ve done a bit of research. Research helps me interact with my world, and I’m so fucking resentful of people who can just eat lol. People who can put stuff in their bodies without having to do a bunch of mental math, a pros and cons list, and a full tally of everything else they consumed that day. I can’t even fucking imagine what that would be like… And it’s wild depressing to think that even if…. Somehow…. I manage to get my body to a place I’m happy with, I’m going to have to perform those equations every day for the rest of my life, or I’ll lose my progress and revert. But no. It’s fucked up to think like that, no. It’s not healthy to think like that. i just want to be small, and strong. That’s it. Those are the things that i want. I want to be small, and i want to be strong. It rained all day and it’s beautiful. October October October you’ve gone so fast, and I’m afraid. Need to vote. Need to get a flu shot. Need to finish studying for this exam and then take this exam. Need to find a way to deal with my whole body and life situation. I’m tired for real. I’m not as patient and composed as i used to be, and i find myself feeling… It doesn’t matter. I’m nervous about getting a job after i graduate. I’m going to need to do so immediately, and it’s going to need to pay well. I’m already feeling that pressure and I’m still trying to finish school. I want to get a fucking house, but that’s quite a gamble with no sure source of income. Quite a fucking gamble, but I’ll take the chance. There are still some things i haven’t tried. There are still things i can figure out. Peace

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