an inconvenient thing to be

Preparing an offering of insufficient worth, for tomorrow when I have to show my hands all empty of coin or credit. A token and an unbelievably silly feeling one at that, but oh well I suppose. It is what it is, and I’ll have to bare empty hands either way, so I might as well. I might as well. I might as well. At least no one had to pay a ton of money to fix my car. That’s good. That’s important and also good. I’m holding that in my mind as a positive as I prepare to lay out my case. And I have all manner of strange tabs open here. This one and a dauntingly long list of work from home opportunities, and two tabs about how to take scientific surveys of fish populations, and copy block procedures in PDF form. I have more and more still open in my mind. Trying to relegate some to separate windows so I don’t have to see them see them see them see them so much so all the time. This coarse ground stone ground coffee has proved my doubts incorrect, as evidenced by my greyhound dashing heart and even somewhat slipstream mind. Good, because I need speed. I need speedy thoughts, but I can feel it rushing my anxiety as well, pushing it all suddenly urgent against my chest. As far as prices go that is one I’ll gladly pay, because such chest pains sit lightly upon me, born lighter and lighter with long practice. Feeling slow and feeling sleepy is at this time unacceptable. I’ve promises and miles and you know. you probably know.

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I feel fucking WEIRD… and JACKED! WEIRD AND JACKED! WEIRD AND JACKED! I should really be fucking working but I’m only like 80% sure I’m doing it even remotely right and I’m sorta waiting for more info but at the same time ima keep doing it I guess. Whatever. I chewed some EnErGy GuM and it was spearmint flavor and it tasted pretty awesome actually and definitely 100% contained caffeiine. It definitely did. It definitely did. I paid rent today and also my credit card bill and now I have exactly $1.27 in my bank account. Hell yeah! One dollar! Hell yeah! 27 cents! I’m guna get paid again on the 13th, so that’s cool. Mostly I’m just glad that I fucking managed to pay my rent myself. I was really afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to pull it off… but then I DID pull it off! I need to get a new snake lightbulb which is kinda annoying… and I could possibly get it tonight if I went to petsmart before 10pm but I dunno if that’s a good idea or not, I’ll talk to the S.O when he freakin’ wakes up from the wicked long nap he’s napping that I should maybe wake him up from but like I hate doing that so I’m pr0obably not going to at least not for a while. I kinda wanna straighten my hair, haven’t done that in forever and it sounds kinda fun but that’s also something that takes TIME and I don’t have a lot of TIME really to waste, even though I’m wasting some right now. You know what’s weird and hard? Lots of stuff, that’s what. This new assignment thing is supposed to last 3-6 weeks which could be good money wise but I feel like it’s bad -getting my shit together for a grad school application- wise. Also going to the gym regularly wise which I really need to fucking do. -heavy sighs- But for realsies tho, I really need to start working and get through as much of this stuff as I possibly can tonight. I should wear my new boots around and break them in. I can’t believe tomorrow is already the 10th, Jesus christ I only have like 20 days left to apply I’m starting to freak out I need to DO THE THINGS. ALL OF THE THINGS. SO MANY THINGS!!

Update 3: My dreams are coming true and it’s TERRIFYING

  • I got about 3 hours of sleep, so that’s sweeto burrito banana fanna fo fito.
  • I’m currently eating a taco from yesterday and drinking an energy drink because FUCK YEAH, sleep is for people who aren’t trying to make a shit ton of money in five fucking days.
  • I got it. I got it I got it I got it. The second batch I was hoping for / scared I would get because it means an INSANE amount of work. Like… No sleep for me until Friday, seriously working constantly until then.
  • Oh man Oh man I think I might be totally insane for doing this. Seriously. Are there even enough hours in the next 53 hours to get all of this done?
  • Also I have to go back and edit a bunch of items which is going to suck and take up time I don’t really have
  • Fuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
  • Duuuuuuuuuuudeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  • I need to get to work. Now. ASAFP

More whining about writing and some other stuff too.

My exhaustion is profound. I didn’t expect that I would need to complete another article today along with the two papers I had to write. It was due at 7 and I finished a little after 6. I finished my first paper that was due at 5 and then wrote the article quickly so we’ll see how that goes. I still have one more paper due before Midnight. That’s 4 hours from now, which should be enough time to write a 3-4 page paper, but my brain is incredibly exhausted because I stayed up working until 8:30 in the morning and slept for 5-ish hours before waking up and immediately starting to write more stuff. My brain is really tired and I’m trying to formulate an idea for what to base this next (and last for today, thank juheezus) paper on. It’s about advertisements and persuasion and I’m so goddamn tired I just hope I can persuade my brain to stay focused for a few more hours so I can churn this shit out. Coffee. Go. Now. I was hoping to have a day to chill after tomorrow when I finish that 4-6 page paper that I have due then, but I just found out that my current 4 articles are due on Thrusday at 7pm instead of Sunday…. so…. Just kidding about a day off I guess. I shouldn’t complain. Really I just hope that I get more articles after that and that this isn’t the end of the assignment, because that would be disappointing. I’m hoping not, and cautiously-optimistically assuming not, because of various factors, but I’m not 100% sure about anything.

*midnight style edit*

Yo! I finished all of my work. Turned in my last paper 15 minutes before it was due. I can’t believe I wrote 4 pages that fast, it seriously took me about an hour and 15 minutes. 😎 I’m super exhausted, but I’m happy because my brother got PAID and paid me for the work I’ve been doing for him. He still owes me nearly $300, but I can wait on that. I want him to have enough money to survive and take care of himself and everything. Really tho, I’m super glad he paid me today because I was getting sad and desperate and super pathetic style poor.

Okay! I should continue doing productive things. I should work on making the ferrets’ winter bed. It’s getting cold and their current bed is pretty shitty and they are going to need something better for the winter. Hopefully I can actually pull it off as well as I think I can in my *imagination*. Welp! That’s it for me. I’m out. Peace.