It’s been an extremely long day. Went back to the junkyard at 10am to pull a strut out of a dead volvo. We ended up pulling two and then picking the one that looked better. We forgot to bring a breaker bar for added – bolt removal – leverage, so we scoured the fucking junkyard until we found a random hollow bar-shaped piece of a truck that worked. From there to a westside pit stop, and then into Rio, for piles and piles of laundry while performing car maintenance. Grease and brake line cleaner and laundry detergent. Heavy metal clanging to the ground after long minutes of delicate-but-firm rubber mallet pounding. Selecting the delicate cycle and cleaning the lint trap. Soldering severed electrical wires in the brake system, remembering to add a dryer sheet, kneading chemicals like clay to form a polymer and then spreading it over a sprawling crack. And while the adhesive set, a trip to the store. A trip to the store where I scored a new pair of cheap-but-comfortable tennis shoes, along with a few food style supplies. Then pulling piping warm clothes from the dryer, and adding a layer of industrial strength tape over the polymer patch. So strong it pulled at my skin in a way that threatened removal. Finally a shower, and into clean clothes, as the last of my junkyard garb swirled with suds. A quiet hour on the couch with my parents, watching nothing and trying to write and helping my mom with her computer. Four trips to the car to load everything up, and a long drive home. A long drive home with no squeaks or creaks or sputters.
Sooooooo yeah, um… I’m now going into my second week with no freelance work. I have been trying my best to get stuff going but so far no one has gotten back to me and it freaks me out and sucks. It’s making me feel pretty stressed, and wicked fucking guilty and also like a terrible shitty failure at life. Like I’m letting down my boyfriend and my parents and not pulling my own weight. I had the chance to take a temporary job that would start in the middle of August, but I turned it down. Mainly because it pays $9.00 an hour and I would make less than $200 a week. I’m used to making $20-25 per hour for my freelance services. It makes me feel gross and used (not in the way I like) to make less than half of that for really hard, really terrible customer service job where I get treated like a servant (not in the way I like). I’m not saying that I feel like I’m above that kind of work… except secretly I do. I have a BA and years of experience in a variety of different fields and I shouldn’t have to fucking work shitty jobs that pay $0.50 over minimum wage. I’m just not going to do that shit anymore. SoooOOooooo I’m going to keep trying to score some freelance gigs and try to communicate with people and e-mail them the right amount to seem determined and persistent but not annoying and obsessive and abrasive. I feel like it’s a fine line and I’m not super good at determining where it is.
In other news… my brother and I did some recording last night. My brother was laying down some vocal tracks and I ran the sound board and everything. Nights where I don’t have to sing are much less stressful for me. 😛 We have been talking for a while about how we both feel like we sound really awesome when singing in our cars, so we decided to try recording in his car, because why not right??! Soooo we set it all up, which took like a half hour.
Here’s a really shitty blurry picture I took. (The garage lighting was horrible for picture taking) You can see the sound board over there on a chair and my bro in his car (he drives a retired police cruiser which is fun and awesome and hilarious cuz people pull over for him sometimes) And we had the microphone going through his window and you can sorta baaarely see it there in front of his face. The thing about recording is, just because something sounds good to the naked ear doesn’t mean it’s going to translate well to a recording at. all. The sound we got out of this was *okay* but not spectacular, and certainly not good enough to suffer through FUCKING ROASTING TO DEATH IN THE SUPER HOT GARAGE. Soooo we packed it all up and set up in the living room and recorded there instead. All in all it was fairly successful.
In other other news… my boyfriend has been watching Shibari tutorials basically the whole time I’ve been writing this and trying out knots and it’s hella distracting. Oh man he just made a really nice bit gag out of rope and TRIED IT ON ME to make sure it would fit and that was VERY distracting. So, I guess despite the stress of things un-known, my life is pretty dang sweet.
Coming soon: Reviews for the free kindle smut I’ve been reading, reviews of products for curly hair, more random rambling and personal stories about my life.
AaaAaaaaAAAaaand that’s basically all that’s going on with my life at the moment. How are you guys doing? TeLl Me AbOuT yOuRsElVes!!!!111!!!
Today is my “wordpress anniversary” apparently, according to wordpress. That means a year ago I was in Martha’s Vineyard. That’s pretty nuts to think about. Um… anyway, today I went with my dad to get new front tires for my car. Speaking of anniversaries, I have now had my little red Volvo for 10 years. I find that thought sorta mind blowing to be honest. Longest relationship in my life. It’s you and me volvs, *imaginary fist bump with my car* ~~Anyways~~ So we went to get tires and it took a couple hours, so we ended up going to a thrift store nearby to kill some time. They were selling paperback books buy four get one free, so we decided to get five books. My dad and I are both pretty big fans of reading, so we just talked about different stuff we had read and recommended stuff to each other and ended up with three books for me and two for him. All in all it was a pretty decent day. I don’t spend too much time just with my dad. So, now I have new front tires that aren’t super bald and my alignment is fixed now. My back tires were still totally good which was nice because my dad was expecting to have to replace all of them. I need to go to the store, I need to do work. I’ve got hella articles to write, if I don’t do at least two tonight I will be screwing myself over pretty bad. Buuuuut I don’t want to do that. I just want to watch movies and maybe cuddle and maybe drink wine and maybe make out a lot. Responsibilities are wicked overrated and I want them all to just leave me the hell alone.
Our gross annoying neighbor who has a loud annoying kid and smokes out on the porch all the time so his nasty smoke comes in our windows seems to have moved his parents into his apartment. They are also gross, and loud, and annoying. They also have a dog that barks all the fucking time and you aren’t even supposed to have pets here. They all stand outside and talk wicked loud all the time while I’m trying to sleep. Soooooo that’s been fun. I’m gunna go do work now or something whatever.
This past week has been …. wretched. I am not going to go into details because I do not feel like exposing the sources of my grief to the harsh, abrasive world. Stay here, stay soft. But soft, what light … etc. And yet life moves on. Life moves on and I have to keep working because deadlines don’t budge and financial needs still exist, always. Just keep fucking writing and don’t feel your soul too much. Provide with the keys on your keyboard. Give your car keys to a mechanic, because your car is not so much leaking oil as it is gushing oil. Try to keep a positive face, push forward, run your hands over and over the fragility of everything you are and have. Make plans, but hold them gently in your palm and don’t try to close your fingers over them. I need surrender the way the desert needs rain during fire season.
Wicked tired! (as usual, right?) What’s up new followers? I should be writing an article right now (as usual, right?) but c’mon… that’s boring sauce. My car still doesn’t start in the cold, and my (wicked smart) little brother has been researching the problem and messing with my car for like a week with no success. However, he thinks he may have isolated the problem. It requires a new part, so tomorrow we are going down to the U-Pull-&-Pay (A.K.A bizarre car graveyard) and seeing if we can yoink the part we need out of a dead volvo. Hopefully we’ll be able to do so. We’re now going at noon apparently, which for me is really early because I’m NOCTURNAL AS FUCK and I stay up ’till like… morning style time. SO! I will make an effort to get to bed slightly earlier tonight so I can do that tomorrow. In order to make that happen, I really really really need to get my work done like… FAST. Someone come force me to concentrate!