More one more

it won’t make you better just
Keep your own word
Have seen enough today
You’ve been enough today
Is already licking your heels at
Cool air and breeze streams
For glow leaves and Halloween
Cats and bats and silken skies
Crowd around to terrorize
Secret heart you keep up close
Spits and sputters all morose
Until it kisses kindling
Forges it’s own beginning


emo in iambic pentameter

I take my broken heart out for a drive

just cruising through the city as it rains

and we don’t even try to talk because

between us there are no real words to say

I take my broken heart out for a walk

just winding through the park and through the rain

the droplets beat a rhythm fast and low

a rhythm that my dear heart can’t sustain

playlist 38: Autumn Official

Sometimes it’s the weekend, in the waning week of September and the fall air slowly starts to fall over your city. Sometimes you look at Friday night against a backdrop of city lights and feel your chest grow tight tight tight.

STRFKR: Golden Light

Purity Ring – Begin Again

District 78 – Toxic (feat. Cheesa)

Chvrches – Lungs

SOHN – The Wheel

Nightmares and Dreamscapes

Hey readers. How’s your life doing? Mine is doing alright, more or less. I have an unexpected $300 expense that I could really fucking do without, and I lost my amazing headphones while I was standing in line to vote. I’m still mourning their loss like a fucking week later. Best earbuds I’ve ever owned, the only ones that have ever stayed in my ears. But they are fairly fucking pricey and I really can’t afford to buy another pair for myself, so I’m just going to have to suck it up and use the ones that fall out of my ears every two fucking minutes that I have to constantly adjust. At least for a while. I could really really really really use some more freelance work at this point. Like seriously? Please? Please? If I don’t get some in a few days I’m going to have to start trolling Odesk which I really hate doing a lot, and I really hope I don’t have to do it. It’s stressing me the fuck out all around, it really is. I’m feeling very fucking stressed to be honest, but trying to be cool about it. C’mon universe, I could really use a bone thrown my way. Pleasepleasepleaseplease. -deep breaths- ummmmmm yeah. But other than that I’m okay. I mean, I’ve been worse off for sure. Much worse. It’s really cold today. Supposed to dip below freezing tonight according to my dad. I like it, it feels nice and gives me an excuse to hide in a pile of blankets. I’ve been sleeping a lot lately, which is probably bad ~mental health~ wise, but there are worse things. I’ve been having some cool vivid dreams and I want them to continue so I just keep sleeping. This morning I had a dream that I was at my parents’ house and there was an alien invasion of some sort going on. Everyone was going down to watch a sort of “conference” with one of the aliens, but I was hella suspicious. I had a ton of pairs of sunglasses in my room (which used to be true) and I brought them all with me to the alien conference for some reason. Some pairs were all busted up and bent to shit but I brought them anyway. This alien lady (who looked like an old-ish human lady) started speaking a crazy alien language and looking everyone in the eye and brainwashing them. But my sunglasses like reflected the weird alien eye-contact brain wash rays. So I started handing out all my extra pairs to my friends and family. My brother was like half-brain washed, starting to speak weird alien language but he snapped out of it once I put sunglasses on him and yeah I basically saved everyone with my sunglass hoarding and it was a really weird cool dream.


He’s passed OUUUT upstairs. I can literally hear him snoring. I gave ’em the rest of the sleepstyle meds we had in the house so he could zzzzz…. but I’m very much awake. Chilling on the internet, touching my clean shaven self and looking at lots of tumblr porn. Because why the fuck not, right? I’m frustrated in the sexual type way and keep asking myself if there’s something I’m not doing. (there probably is….) but i mostly feel like he’s in a non-sex having type place right now which is something I respect and can deal with. but it’s still sorta frustrating when I feel like I only have a few days before gross lady time and I’m super ready to go. (Also I’m so soft right now it’s *magical*) Okay, enough about sex stuff. Moving on. I should get my phone by Wednesday, which I’m really glad about. Not having my own phone is really annoying. I know I’m spoiled. Lucky to get to care about such trivial things. Privileged. I want to pet a dog and hug it and take it for a walk. I want to walk outside barely wearing anything and feel the beautiful fall chill against my skin. I want to play musical instruments as if I’d practiced since I was a single digit age. I want to get fucked. I want to drink a pumpkin beer. I want to want to sleep.