More one more

it won’t make you better just
More
Keep your own word
You
Have seen enough today
And
You’ve been enough today
Fall
Is already licking your heels at
Night
Cool air and breeze streams
Wait
For glow leaves and Halloween
Black
Cats and bats and silken skies
All
Crowd around to terrorize
The
Secret heart you keep up close
It
Spits and sputters all morose
Just
Until it kisses kindling
Then
Forges it’s own beginning

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Halloween

I went to my brother and his girlfriend’s little Halloween party yesterday. I’m reasonably sure I didn’t do or say anything embarrassing, but that doesn’t stop me from meticulously overanalyzing every single interaction I had with other people. My bro and his girlfriend dressed up as each other, and it was pretty hilarious. Like really hilarious. I drank alcohol and ate nothing but kale chips. I talked to people, most of whom I’m coming to know. I’m glad I went, I would have been disappointed if I hadn’t. I’m feeling really freaked out about money at the moment. All I can do is keep applying for shit I guess. I’m feeling kinda empty and drained overall… after the past few days. I can’t believe it’s November already. My new phone is officially ordered, which is cool. My mom is going to inherit this phone, which has served me well, and I’m actually a bit sad to see it go. It’s her first smart phone ever. She’s afraid she won’t be able to use it but she will. I need to clear all my shit off it and do a factory reset. Sometimes I want to do a factory reset on my brain.

Other things…

I applied for a bunch of freelance style jobs today, but I’m not super confident that any of them are legit, or that they’ll come through. I’m going to try more tomorrow and the next day and the next day. It’s fucking draining and I hate doing it. I really hate doing it. I can feel my soul dying as I’m tweaking my resume to better suit each thing I’m applying for. It was a beautiful rainy day and I went to the gym, but I forgot my headphones. I feel 1,000 ties more self-conscious, and 1,000 times less pumped up without them, so I made it a short one. I just did a mile instead of a mile and a half, and then a couple arm machines. We didn’t go to my parents house to carve pumpkins, which is usually the tradition, but stuff happened and it just fell through. I feel kinda sad about it tbh. empty, strange. (but to be fair, I was already feeling that way… sooo….) I got a pomegranate at least, which is part of the tradition. I’m going to call them tomorrow. We might order my new phone. I don’t know what else is going to happen tomorrow. I might stop by my brother and his girlfriend’s evening get-together, and hang out with all their beautiful dancer friends and feel like a giant weird potato, and use humor as a defense mechanism, and awkwardly follow my brother around because I suck at parties. (I made that sound **super** fun didn’t I??!) Also I have to dress up as something, and I don’t really have anything. (haha I could wear my fox ears I guess?? haha) So whatever. We’ll see. I’m going to play it how it plays, lay it how it lays. Just try and do my best. I’m not going to lie it’s been fucking hard. It’s been trying and confusing and unsettling and just fucking hard.

emo in iambic pentameter

I take my broken heart out for a drive

just cruising through the city as it rains

and we don’t even try to talk because

between us there are no real words to say

I take my broken heart out for a walk

just winding through the park and through the rain

the droplets beat a rhythm fast and low

a rhythm that my dear heart can’t sustain

Playlist 22: Halloween Edition

Happy Fucking Halloween my dear followers! One of my all time favourite holidays! It’s creepy and crawly and fucking awesome all the damn time every damn time. SO! in celebration of this glorious holiday I am going to make a playlist of all Halloween themed songs, or songs that remind me of Halloween in some way. So here’s how this is going to go down: I’m going to basically layer classic Halloween songs and newer songs to give a little taste of both. There are way too many rad Halloween songs for me to include them all, so I’m just going to throw down 10 of my current faves. I hope that everyone (myself included) has a fun and safe Halloween and Halloween weekend. I’m going to start you off with a classic. Ready? Here we go.

1. Warren Zevon – Werewolves of London (Awooooooooooooooooooo)

2.  Franz Ferdinand – Evil Eye (Fun Ferdinand style, moderately Halloween-ish content)

3. Eagles – Witchy Woman (One of my childhood faves)

4. Kid Cudi – No One Believes Me  (Sorta a little genuinely creepy, but a bit slow and quite long)

5. Bobby Pickett – Monster Mash (Sorry, not even a little bit sorry at all)

6. Dead Man’s Bones – Dead Man’s Bones  (This band is a completely horror themed musical duo featuring Ryan Gosling (yes, that Ryan Gosling) Not bad, quite ideal for Halloween, you can skip the 50 seconds of nothing but a lady crying between 1:30 and 2:20 )

7. Screamin’ Jaw HawkinsI put a spell on you (Because you’re mine, dude)

8. My Chemical Romance – Vampires Will Never Hurt You (I’m going to be like 80 years old and still rocking out to this rad jam)

9. Rocky Horror Picture Show – Time Warp (It’s just a jump to the left! Also, I’m actually going to dress up as Magenta one year. Also, fucking RHPS for LIFE!)

10.  Bright Eyes – Devil Town (Fucking cute and spoopy as hell. I’m going to end my playlist on this light and sort of adorable note.)

 

Post-Post-Halloween Post

I was going to make an entry a few days ago but then I didn’t because I’ve been writing aaay lot for money and I just don’t feel like doing any extra-curicular writing. But! I will anyway right now because… why not? Halloween was not too bad. Our plans ended up getting un-cancelled sorta and we hung out with a couple friends and watched a movie and things of that nature. Check out my sweet Frankenstein(‘s Monster) nail polish. It came out okay, though the picture is pretty terrible. 

Image

We carved pumpkins a few days beforehand at my parents’ house while my relatives were still in town. It was nice. We also busted out all of the Halloween decorations and put some of them up. Here is a picture of my little brother giving a creepy *eyes light up* witch decoration a tender kiss on the cheek. 

Image

My little brother is a grown ass man by the way, as you can tell from the facial hair 😛 

I’ve been feeling sorta sick the past couple days. My throat hurts and I’ve been coughing. Instead of buying cough medicine I bought myself honey which I have been putting in tea and drinking like mad. I finished my first week of my new writing job. It was difficult and I had 2 all-nighters, but I did it. Hopefully I will be seeing that money soon. Or any money really, would be nice. I’m hoping this week won’t be quite as hard since I’m getting the hang of it now. 

Hanukkah is apparently coming up pretty soon, the day before Thanksgiving. All I asked for were things to protect my technology 😛 A phone case, screen protectors, and a new laptop case because I only have a HUGE one for my huge old laptop and my tiny new laptop totally just slides around in there and it really provides next to no protection. I’m enjoying my new phone, it’s very useful. I got it for free, and it’s waterproof, both of which are awesome. I still find myself begin paranoid about it like “oh no! I set my phone down in a little puddle of water!” and then I’m all … oh wait… it’s waterproof,  it could not give less of a fuck. 

Welp! I’m really hungry and I have $10 so …. I should get something to eat but I dunno what to get and I’m all sick and lazy and bluuuugh. But I guess I’ll do something. 

 

 

 

 

writing

about things I don’t care about. Writing about things that mean nothing to me and I hate them and they are boring. Doubting every word I put down because of how much she found wrong in my last one. It was so much. I really didn’t think she was going to hire me but she did. Now I feel slightly paralyzed by that responsibility. Doubting myself with every word. Too repetitive? Too derivative? I had a feeling for nearly a week now that our Halloween plans wouldn’t work out. Too much drama on their end. It’s okay but it’s still slightly disappointing. I want to go to a really fun gay Halloween party or something…. except maybe I don’t really, I dunno. So now it looks like it’s just the two of us, which is okay. We could go to a graveyard or walk through old town or just watch terrible horror movies while drinking, or something. I’m going to do my best to make it fun. Okay, I really need to get back to work and finish this article. Actually it’s not even an article. It’s a “buying guide”. A 900 word buying guide about buying accessories for your ID badge. I’m not even shitting you I’m getting paid $40 to write this. This is seriously my life right now.