“my brain’s the weak heart and my heart’s the long stairs”

– Modest Mouse, Heart Cooks Brain. 

I just love that song so much, and all the lyrics are awesome and clever and I want to be that awesome and clever. I’m tired and procrastinating once again. It’s almost 1am and I NEEDNEEDNEED to write three more guides before I go to sleep. Seriously, I just feel a sustained sense of anxiety the whole time I’m writing them and I don’t know how to ease it, or why exactly I feel that way. It’s not hard to write, it’s just… I dunno, draining on my soul. I can feel little bits of my soul flecking off with each pointless, empty line I lay down. Still, can’t complain. It’s much less soul crushing than other forms of gaining money I have experienced. Even so, it makes me want to run and sing and scream and rip stuff up and beg and take a beating and fuck and all the things that build my soul back up. ~~ but I digress ~~ I NEED to go back to work. I’m still annoyed that I managed to lose my package like a wicked huge loser who loses stuff… but I’m mostly over it. I continue to hope that the rest of the week works out well. Please, please, please. I look eagerly forward to Friday after 7pm.