The 22nd-ing

Feeling fucking bad yo. Dejected as fuck. Guilty, worried. If I spend literally $0 I’ll have exactly $4 less than I need to pay the last credit card bill of the month. Maybe I can scrounge for some fucking change. Maybe one of you 288 people wanna hook it up for me. (Lemme know if you do! That’d be rad!I’ll give you my PayPal info!) I applied for 6 (or possibly 7 I honestly don’t remember) freelance jobs on upwork today, and I’m going to try for more tomorrow. Haven’t heard anything back yet. Haven’t been too keen to take new assignments via that website cuz they take a fucking 20% cut now but… I’ll take anything at this point. Maybe one of you 288 people want to hire me to write something. I can write fucking anything. (Lemme know if you do! That’d be rad! I’ll give you my PayPal info!) I’m tired. Fundamentally exhausted. A dude in his 40s hit on me at the store today. Like… Pretty aggressively. Like… Followed me down two separate aisles trying to engage me despite my super clear non-interest / actively trying to get away. He finally said “we should exchange numbers” and I said “I don’t want to do that. Peace.” And continued walking away and he finally left me alone. I was not in a good state to have to deal with that. Like honestly it wasn’t even that big of a deal but I was already feeling worn, sad, weak and vulnerable and it kinda fucked me up. Like… Tearing up in the car, slightly shaking status. I couldn’t even bring myself to talk about it out loud when I got home so here we fucking are. Yeah. I’m tired. Fundamentally exhausted. Tomorrow brings more applying and applying myself. Also my dad’s birthday is Saturday and I need to figure out how to get him something with my $-4. Hit me up if you wanna make a charitable donation or commission me to write literally anything. (That’d be rad! I’ll give you my PayPal info!)

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Hunting

Hey, hey, hey. Things are getting bad and scary for me financial wise. So that’s like…. a thing I’m dealing with. All day today I’ve been toying with the idea of going into real estate. Like… becoming a real estate agent. But upon looking into it I found out it would cost something like $1500 and at least a month to get a license. Also it would require a lot more talking to people and networking and self promotion and shit than I’m really actually comfortable with at all. But I dunno. today at least the idea appealed to me. My dad used to be in real estate, when I was a kid. He made… not great money? but way better than I’m doing now. Enough to have a small house and two kids and we weren’t starving or anything. Anyway, I was fantasizing about taking up the same name he had for his real estate company, and then being like … yeah, we’re a family business!  we’ve been around since … IDK when? a couple years before I was born?? Anyway, yeah. It’s just a random idea / pipe dream. I was looking up a bunch of jobs I could possibly do and considering them. I was looking at animal control jobs and thinking that would maybe be pretty okay or at least tolerable and I could try to help some animals out, but then I saw that one of the qualifications was that you had to get certified to do lethal injections and I was like hahahaha hahaha haha no fucking way in hell haha no fucking ha no fucking way. I’d just end up with like 100 dogs and it would not be good. Let’s see… what else? Oh yeah, I saw a bunch of English teaching jobs for community colleges and online colleges and every single one of them requires a masters degree and that’s totally fine and I’m not heartbroken at all and I’m totally cool with it. I’ve seen a couple other things I’m considering applying for, and a couple websites I’m going to check out. Whatever. It’s 2am. I’m going to go pull my snake out of her cage and bug her and see how she’s doing and stuff of that nature.

Other things…

I applied for a bunch of freelance style jobs today, but I’m not super confident that any of them are legit, or that they’ll come through. I’m going to try more tomorrow and the next day and the next day. It’s fucking draining and I hate doing it. I really hate doing it. I can feel my soul dying as I’m tweaking my resume to better suit each thing I’m applying for. It was a beautiful rainy day and I went to the gym, but I forgot my headphones. I feel 1,000 ties more self-conscious, and 1,000 times less pumped up without them, so I made it a short one. I just did a mile instead of a mile and a half, and then a couple arm machines. We didn’t go to my parents house to carve pumpkins, which is usually the tradition, but stuff happened and it just fell through. I feel kinda sad about it tbh. empty, strange. (but to be fair, I was already feeling that way… sooo….) I got a pomegranate at least, which is part of the tradition. I’m going to call them tomorrow. We might order my new phone. I don’t know what else is going to happen tomorrow. I might stop by my brother and his girlfriend’s evening get-together, and hang out with all their beautiful dancer friends and feel like a giant weird potato, and use humor as a defense mechanism, and awkwardly follow my brother around because I suck at parties. (I made that sound **super** fun didn’t I??!) Also I have to dress up as something, and I don’t really have anything. (haha I could wear my fox ears I guess?? haha) So whatever. We’ll see. I’m going to play it how it plays, lay it how it lays. Just try and do my best. I’m not going to lie it’s been fucking hard. It’s been trying and confusing and unsettling and just fucking hard.

Being an adult?

SoooooOOooooooOooooo I haven’t gotten any guides for this week or heard anything from the main lady person about getting more or anything. All in all, that freaks me out. Kind of a lot. Financial uncertainty wise… it’s pretty shitty. I’m going to email her tomorrow I think, if I don’t hear from her before then. AaaaaAaannnyways, this uncertainty pressed me into applying for a shitty temporary minimum wage job at the college bookstore. I’ve done it a couple times before, and it’s always fairly awful. But I feel like I need to do SoMeThInG … am I right? (Yes, yes I am) It actually pays $0.50 more than minimum wage. Hell yeah, now we talkin’. ({sarcasm}) Not even 100% sure they will hire me, considering I refuse to do full time because fuck that and also no and also screw that big time hell no I’d rather be poor forever than kill my soul like that. Soooooooo we will see. I have two more weeks worth of money that is still going to come in. I’m seriously hoping this is just a short temporary very short lull in stuff for me to write for money, and it will pick back up soon. That’s what I’m hoping, please and thank you universe, because getting paid way good money to write stuff that’s pretty easy to write from the comfort of my own home is 1,000% better than any other shit job I’ve ever had in my entire life. (I’ve had a few man, let me tell ya) 

Meanwhile… I should probably go to the store and stuff because I don’t have things and I need to get some stuff. It’s weird to not have any work today I should be doing productive stuff but so far I HaVe NoT. 

Opportunities

So….. I just got hired for a new writing job. I’m actually really excited about it. It pays $40 per article. My last writing job paid $7.50 per article. I’m making more than 5 times more yo. The client is from the UK. They’re exporting their writing jobs to America because we are CHEAPER because the writing market is sad and saturated over here. People on Odesk are competing for scraps. Bidding lower and lower for shittier jobs. But I got THIS. This happened. I’m not 100% sure how long the assignment will last really, but they asked me how many articles I can do per week so I’m assuming it’s going to be an ongoing thing. (Assuming I don’t fuck it up). I’m going to try really hard to get it done and do it WELL. One of the editors from my other company (OESAiden) recommended me for this job. I think that’s really incredible and I’m thankful and just really happy about having this. It’s legit. It’s **actual money** we’re talking about. Shit man, if I did like 12 per week that would be $480 per week. I’m only doing 4 or 5 this week, but that’s still pretty damn awesome money. Okay! That’s all I gotta say. I have a boring homework assignment to finish…. soooo….. yeah.