And I want this night

I can hear your foot-falls now
soft disturbance in the dead-fall how
it proceeds you like a black smoke pall
(still the wanting comes in waves)

I spent a good portion of the evening in Santa Fe, having dinner with my brother’s girlfriend’s family. They invited my parents and stuff, just to be nice I guess? Since their daughter / step daughter has been living with my brother for a few months, which is pretty serious relationship stuff. They are really nice people, in a really beautiful house that they literally built themselves. Very liberal people, all in all I approve of them if my brother decides to marry her eventually. This was the first time I had seen them since our album came out, and they kept telling me how much they liked it and they thought my voice sounded good and I was just like… wow, thanks! Surprised and glad and really bad at taking compliments. It felt pretty awesome to hear them say all that stuff tho, people I barely know, with such warmth and honesty and enthusiasm. It was an injection of positivity at a time I really needed one. They have a lot of dogs and I let them all jump all over me. Held the small ones in my lap when they let me. Hugged everyone goodbye and felt [hugged]. Drove the long drive home in pattering rain, trying not to let my heart wallow in feelings like the bad old days. In thoughts like the bad old days (he hasn’t texted me back in over an hour I wonder if he’s fucking dead) I can’t be a robot through everything. My strength is a limited resource, even though I act like it’s not and in some adrenaline fueled moments feel like it’s not. I know that it is and sometimes I glimpse the edges (and as I do I am afraid.)

I need to go to the gym, and get snake food, and figure out the phone thing. I need to tweak my resume and apply for things. I need to set up my winter snake room soon soon soon.


Playlist 19: Odd but Sweet

It’s been a taxing week in different types of ways, even though I didn’t have a lot of work until today. Though I won’t be getting a traditional ~free weekend~, the free time I do get will hopefully be memorable and good. I wish you all a nice Friday through Sunday and beyond. The font for these song names got all huge and I don’t feel like spending any more time trying to figure out how to un-huge-ify it, so I’m just going to leave it. It goes with my odd but sweet theme I suppose. Peace, love, music.

1. Fatih Ürek – Bak Güzele (Turkish Pop what what what?!)

2. Milky Chance – Stole Dance (Bumped off an earlier playlist, but now it gets its chance)

3. The Glitch Mob – Fortunate Days (Long, instrumental, light dubz)

4. Sea Wolf – The Rose Captain (Usual Sea Wolf style, v nice)

5. Alt-J – Ripe & Ruin (Short, a cappella, awesome)

Playlist 17: swing and jump and land and run

The past couple weeks have been …. uuuuhhhhhh….. rough. To say the least. Un-awesome. seriously lacking in awesomeness. So, um… I’m not sure what tonight is going to hold, or the rest of the weekend, but I figured I would throw down a little playlist anyway. Because why the hell not, right? I’m looking forward to some chill and some of that really strong rum that I got a super good deal on. Perhaps other interactions as well. I try not to be presumptuous.  Alright, have a nice weekend. kick it with some tunes.

1. MGMT – Electric Feel

2. Mr. Fijiwiji – The Mentalist

3.  Alt J – Breezeblocks

4. The Neighbourhood – Let it Go

5. Electric Guest- This Head I Hold

Writing Playlist 3: {Wicked Eclectic Springtime Desperation Mix}

Another installment in my mildly popular playlist series. Here are this week’s top picks for songs that I particularly liked hearing while I was working. Pretty varied mix, got some weird dark ragtime tunes, some alt rock, some pop, a little light dubz. I named this playlist the wicked eclectic springtime desperation mix because… I dunno, that’s what it feels like it should be called. Hope you guys have a nice weekend, I’m personally pretty psyched that it’s Friday. Enjoy.

Emma Wallace -Part of your Mudra

Good Lovelies – Crabbuckit

Jill Tracy – Evil Night Together

Katzenjammer – Demon Kitty Rag

Sea Wolf – You’re a Wolf

OneRepublic – Counting Stars (Longarms dubstep remix)

Imagine Dragons – Radioactive

Iron and Wine – Boy with a Coin

The Shins – New Slang

Miike Snow – Animal


Writing Playlist 2

I made an entry like this a couple weeks ago and it was moderately popular, so I decided to do it again. These are all the songs that kept popping up / that I particularly enjoyed over the last few days while I’ve been writing a tonnnn of articles and trying not to cry and listening to pandora radio on my headphones to help myself concentrate. It’s a pretty random selection of songs, different genres and styles and tempos. In no particular order, here they are. Have a good weekend.


30h!3 Set You Free

Jimmy eat world – pain

Flogging Molly- Light of a Fading Star

Matson Jones – New York City Fuck off


The blow – true affection

Johnny Flynn – Cold Bread

Fleet Foxes – Winter White Hymnal

Emily Wells – Symphany 6: Fare thee Well and the Requiem Mix

“my brain’s the weak heart and my heart’s the long stairs”

– Modest Mouse, Heart Cooks Brain. 

I just love that song so much, and all the lyrics are awesome and clever and I want to be that awesome and clever. I’m tired and procrastinating once again. It’s almost 1am and I NEEDNEEDNEED to write three more guides before I go to sleep. Seriously, I just feel a sustained sense of anxiety the whole time I’m writing them and I don’t know how to ease it, or why exactly I feel that way. It’s not hard to write, it’s just… I dunno, draining on my soul. I can feel little bits of my soul flecking off with each pointless, empty line I lay down. Still, can’t complain. It’s much less soul crushing than other forms of gaining money I have experienced. Even so, it makes me want to run and sing and scream and rip stuff up and beg and take a beating and fuck and all the things that build my soul back up. ~~ but I digress ~~ I NEED to go back to work. I’m still annoyed that I managed to lose my package like a wicked huge loser who loses stuff… but I’m mostly over it. I continue to hope that the rest of the week works out well. Please, please, please. I look eagerly forward to Friday after 7pm.