Blister pack

Fall falls and it’s safe

Fall falls and I’m safe

From prying eyes and long sleeve lies

I’m mine I’m mine I’m mine I’m mine

I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine

I’m mine I’m only always mine

I’m fine I’m always fucking fine

It’s a funhouse dream

A gunpowder ream

Smudged haunting words

That fresh cut sting

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Sutra

You could go through the graveyard
If you
Jumped the fence or pushed
The fence in
But instead you ride beside it
Steady speed wishing peace
To every stone you see
No way a ghost
Would hang around here
Just rocks across
From the city bus last stop
Why the fuck would a ghost
Hang around here
You get covered in the city real
Lock your bike to a water pipe
And go in to buy liquor
That ends up putting you
In an awkward position
To say the bone bare least
But try to sharply compensate
And in ten minutes you miss
Three days of lonesome rain

Nightdreams and marescapes

And in dreams I can’t work numbers
In dreams I know it’s wrong
There is a lion in the side yard
Of my childhood home
The upstairs of my apartment
Is in my childhood home
And I can’t work numbers
And I know it’s wrong
An unexpected visitor
A screaming intruder on the porch
Of my childhood home
A horror secret buried across
From my childhood home
And I can’t work my phone
And I know that it’s wrong

OoOOooooOOooooOooo

Feeling slightly better today, stronger ¬†(right now anyway). Why?? ?? Couldn’t really tell you. I have the exact same $-4 that I had yesterday, and tomorrow I really have to actually deal with that, since the bill is due Saturday. Even so, I feel stronger. Fucking follow me unwanted today. I got a super tiny batch of wedding guides, 5 of em. $100 for -one month from now- me. That’s nice. I wish I would have gotten (or even ever fucking heard back from) that tour guide job I applied for. I would have been genuinely good at it, just saying. I’m having an awfully hard time concentrating on wedding writing bullshit. It’s so tedious and my brain is not into it at all. But… I’m doing it. It’s happening. All of my music is making me want to cry lol. wtf even am I?

One down four to go. I think I’m going to switch to doing two at once now and then it’ll just be two sets of two and that’s no big fucking deal bro. They’re due in like 3 hours or something which is like an hour more than I strictly need… though I should still not waste too much time. I’m tired. I would drink more coffee but my heart is not feeling tired lol. Strength, stay with me. You taste like pasta but I like kissing you. I wonder if I taste like honey and peanut butter.

Three down two to go. 1.5 hours to finish them both. That’s suddenly cutting it a bit close I guess, but actually sorta not really, but sorta. I just found out that two more of my snakeskin necklaces sold, which is fucking awesome because that’ll be like … $20-something. If I can get it tomorrow that would solve my $-4 problem and I could maybe even eat something besides noodles. I need to make more jewelry stuff apparently. Strength, I need another hour. please.

Five down none to go. 16 minutes to spare. I really didn’t need to cut it that close, but I loves me some procrastination apparently. Still, it’s done. It’s done and my strength is spent. I should do other things now. Applications, make some new jewelry, grind up a bunch of leaves and make a fragrant oil. We’ll see how much of that actually ends up happening. I’m tired. Fundamentally exhausted. Honestly all I want to do is read and sleep right now. **shrugs** Peace.

 

 

 

auto motives

It’s been an extremely long day. Went back to the junkyard at 10am to pull a strut out of a dead volvo. We ended up pulling two and then picking the one that looked better. We forgot to bring a breaker bar for added – bolt removal – leverage, so we scoured the fucking junkyard until we found a random hollow bar-shaped piece of a truck that worked. From there to a westside pit stop, and then into Rio, for piles and piles of laundry while performing car maintenance. Grease and brake line cleaner and laundry detergent. ¬†Heavy metal clanging to the ground after long minutes of delicate-but-firm rubber mallet pounding. Selecting the delicate cycle and cleaning the lint trap. Soldering severed electrical wires in the brake system, remembering to add a dryer sheet, kneading chemicals like clay to form a polymer and then spreading it over a sprawling crack. And while the adhesive set, a trip to the store. A trip to the store where I scored a new pair of cheap-but-comfortable tennis shoes, along with a few food style supplies. Then pulling piping warm clothes from the dryer, and adding a layer of industrial strength tape over the polymer patch. So strong it pulled at my skin in a way that threatened removal. Finally a shower, and into clean clothes, as the last of my junkyard garb swirled with suds. A quiet hour on the couch with my parents, watching nothing and trying to write and helping my mom with her computer. Four trips to the car to load everything up, and a long drive home. A long drive home with no squeaks or creaks or sputters.

apothecary lofts

Weddings are big business yo. Big flowers, big dresses, big chances for couples to make their acquaintances think they have their lives together, whether or not they actually do at all. Big disappointments probably a lot of the time. It makes me feel a little heart sick to write these sparkling descriptions, these whimsical missives to a mass audience of strangers. And have my rose bouquet words changed anyone’s fates? Has anyone decided to go with the ballroom on the sixth floor of the Marriott hotel, instead of the banquet hall on the fourth floor of the Raddison because I told them the view was better? You should know, I’ve never seen it. I’ve never breathed the air of your city. I’ve never gotten off an airplane and made my way past the somehow-always-the-same-everywhere-you-go decor of your airport, I’m sorry. You should know, I just estimate the amount of guests you could fit in each room if their website doesn’t say. On average you need about 12 sq. feet of space per person for a seated reception, and about 10 sq. feet for a standing reception. You should know, I write each one of these guides with less passion than you put into writing your grocery list. You should know, the Raddison has better parking.

spiral

face faucets drop dripping
with salt and oh
you’d better drink something
you’d better you’d
kill to keep them all safe
kill to know they’re all safe
and keep your keep your
word
quiet as a cricket night
elegant as bathroom fights
it’s blue ink broken skin
but see
how it has learned already
to repel and reject
the unfiltered unknown
each to each minute as
dull as wooden swords
or infinite jest
the night ghosts through my grasp
its lead caught in the beaks
of morning birds