I need to make a new song and it

Needs to slap like my palm to your face

Consenting and real and in place

Deep in a secret smooth way

Light on the surface but

Doused all in rain

Trembling trebel

And simmering bass

A foregone collision

Of palm to your face


Playlist #?? : I am not the dead

So much work. So many hours and words. And all for this and that and the other thing. All for money and soil and toiling. But I am free here and now, for a flash few hours. Peace and love.

Miike Snow – Bavarian #1 (Say You Will)

The Strumbellas – Spirits

Lorde – Buzzcut Season

Arctic Monkeys – Crying Lightning

Alt-J – Fitzpleasure (Jim James Apple C Remix)

concerto grosso


So, I got to go see Coheed and Cambria today. One of my teenage style faves, still like them (obviously lol) I sort of forgot that it was today, and then I decided I wanted to go like… super last minute. Then I almost didn’t get to go because I only have $14 in my bank account, and the tickets were $30 cash only. But my S.O figured out a way to make it happen for me, which was really super awesome. Concerts are good for my heart soul. My spirit guts. It was a really good show, they played some songs I didn’t really recognize, but they also played a lot of my faves. I just… love the atmosphere of such an event. The chaos, the camaraderie, all of the body language talking and reading that everyone is doing without even really being aware of it. I threw myself into the middle of it. The pit grew and shrank like a breathing beast, and I just flowed with it. Sometimes right in the middle, strangers bodies all slamming into me and the ring pushing us back into the middle, back into each other. Sometimes on the edge, doing the pushing. Always picking people up if they fall. Always screaming and clapping and giving high fives. I took a few pictures but I always try not to have my phone out for more than a few seconds. (I mainly took pics during songs I wasn’t super into.)


Claudio (that’s the lead singer’s name) totally fucking shredded on that two neck guitar for a couple songs, which was impressive. Also, his hair was impressive. His voice has that same strange and unique quality that makes their music stand out. I wasn’t sure if it would be as pronounced live, but it was. (Actually, honestly, I think I might have seen them live once before??? But I don’t remember for sure???? I used to go to a **lot** of concerts and they all kinda blend together in my memory. Sooo since I don’t remember for sure I’m just going to say this was my first time seeing them live.) So, yeah. My feet got stepped on a million times, I’m for sure going to have a bruise on one of my shins, and both of my arms feel suuuuuper fucking tender. I imagine I’ll find other sore spots tomorrow. (maybe I should drink an aspirin) And that’s definitely partially the point for me. It’s… good. It’s unique. I don’t even register pain in the moment, it’s all just adrenaline and keeping my balance and protecting my face. It’s alive and it’s happening and I’m alive.


I’m having emotions. I just listened to a patreon exclusive THING and read a whole fucking play that goes with it and now I have feelings. Anyway, yeah. okay. whatever. I’m really liking my new netbook. This is the first time I’ve used it for an extended period of time, and it’s pretty rad. Especially considering it literally cost $107 brand spankin’ new. Like… no way you could possibly beat that. God, I want to write a song. Why don’t I write a song? Why can’t I write a song? I want to write a thrashing, screaming song tbh. And speaking of thrashing and screaming I really want to go to the coheed and cambria show on the 20th, but I have literally no money, and it’s only $30 for a ticket, but that’s also the day that my electricity bill is due or they are going to shut off the power… soooo…. ya know… priorities. But my bones itch for it, and my nose ring would make a very nice addition to my Concert Aesthetic(tm) (Although I would be hella paranoid about it in the pit tbh. I usually don’t wear any jewelry because of *being scared of getting it caught* reasons. Still, my *one hand up to protect the face and one hand out for shoving* technique has served me really well, so it would probably be fine.) Soooo yeah, that was a cool random tangent. Also, the battery power on this thing is amazing so far. It’s still got 40% battery and I’ve had it since Saturday and only charged it THE ONE TIME. I should go to sleep now, but I also kinda wanna stay awake forever and get the chapter that I promised just… finished. Seriously, I feel so rusty at descriptive writing?? Like I honestly can’t tell if I’m doing terrible or okay. ??? -shrugs forever- I’ve still only barely started so I will probably keep getting better. We’ll see. Okay, I need to be done doing this right now anyway. I should for sure try to sleep as soon as I can, lol. But …. we’ll see what happens with that. -shrugs more and just keeps shrugging- peace!

final countdown (for nowntdown)

Last day of this round. I want to feel happy and excited to finish it but I just feel sorta empty and sorta scared and very exhausted. My neck is still killing me. Like… really, a lot. I still barely slept last night. It’s been a long while since 8 hours happened. whatever. Expect the worst, hope for the best. I’ll either be right or pleasantly surprised. These last 5 are gunna be extra hard to write, because they are bottom of the barrel style. Whatever. Let’s go.

(5)wrote this one backward, that made it slightly less terrible somehow. Probably going to do the next one that way too.

(4) Another backward one, done. Also My S.O just went out to run errands for me and bring me food. Also  I just spontaneously started crying, so that’s cool.

(3) finished. More than halfway through. I just got accepted for a new assignment, I didn’t even have to do a trial for it the client just asked if I wanted to do it because they are familiar with my work. It’s just a small thing, but it’s a thing. It’s already loaded. I’m not even gunna look at it today.

(2) done. only one more to go. I’m feelin” helllllllla ravaged in an ot fun at all even a little bit type of way. Like… super uncool style. And I’m planning on going to the gym when I’m done with this, so that’s a thing.

(1) and done. 136 total wedding guides written for this round. That’s so fucking many, and yet it doesn’t feel like enough. Okay, okay, I’m done. It’s done. I’m done. Peace.

sanity window

(5)This is for me. For me to write and live in this little block of white and nothing and whatever. Feeling worn and sick and strange and wanting and weak. Hoping coffee will help. Five wedding guides and $100 stand between me and a hopefully relaxing evening. Now is the time.

(4)Finding my stride quickly and easily. Say the same words in a hundred different ways and it’s easy. It’s nothing it’s meaningless it’s a bag of crisps that’s 94.3% air. This coffee has an aftertaste that tastes like celery to me. Shouldn’t have gotten the organic one. Whatever. oh well. Caffeinated celery bean water what the flip ever.

(3)That one I just finished was for a zoo, which are always kinda fun because it’s at least a little different. Coffee is working even though it’s celery-tastic. Haha, I’m so fucking weak, all the songs that are playing on pandora are almost making me cry. I blame hormones. It’s ridiculous.

(2)Over halfway there. Going fast and going faster. Fingers and brain you all know what to do by now. I’m going to be at 86 total by the end of this day. Good. yes. good. I should shoot for more than 5 tomorrow, I really should.

(1)Hunger is starting to eat at me. hahaha. haha ha. Nice one brain. But really body, you’ve got plenty to burn in there, have at it. Where was I? Oh, right. One more guide to write. It’s about a lighthouse or something? I don’t even know, nor do I care. Soon it will be done and I will be done.

(0) I wrote them all and I’m done and I’m exhausted. I should probably go through and queue up some more for tomorrow, but I dunno if I have it in me really. I’m feeling so drained and strange. But that’s okay. I’m done writing and I made $100 in like four hours and that’s  not bad at all so I’m going to try my very best to let myself stop thinking so goddamn much about everything for a little while. Peace. Love.


Wedding songs (playlist)

I haven’t made a playlist in forever, but doing a ton of writing always makes me want to make one. This little batch of wedding writing is about done, but I’m hoping there will be another one soon. I wrote a total of 38 guides this week, roughly 19,000 words. There are a handful more in the pool, and I could stay up and do them, but I’m so tired. I’m so so tired. So! here are some songs that made me twitch around and rock back and forth and feel slightly better while I was working. Don’t question it, it is what it is.

1. Three Days Grace – Painkiller (yeah yeah, I know I know. I really like the chorus. Suck it.)

2. Panic! at the disco – Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time (stupid but fun)

3. Caravan Palace – Brotherswing (this song sounded so familiar and I thought I might have had it on an earlier playlist, but I totally didn’t. I was recognizing it from a Darlings show.)

4. Metric – Black Sheep (this is like the most famous metric song and I’ve only heard it a few times)

5. Cake Bake Betty – One By One (I love the lyrics for this song but can’t find a lyric vid)

6. Purity Ring – Saltkin (yeah, nice. nice, yeah)