anxio

‘sup? me, I guess. I’m trying to do some school work but it’s not going awesome. Tired. My emotions are swinging wildly. After my tour I was feeling pretty good overall, uplifted, but now … not so much. Not so much. I need to gather my thoughts and my words. I need to get them out in the right way. It’s harder than i’d think it would be. It’s taking time and I’m trying. Perspective finds me and then slips away again. My little brother bought a house, and he’s going to move, and I have a lot of emotions about that as well. My birthday is a month from tomorrow and I’m going to be 30, and I have a lot of emotions about that as well. I honestly can’t deal with sitting here and thinking about all of it any longer, sooooo I’m going to put on some dumb shit on youtube, and I’m going to try and do my stupid fucking school work so I don’t have to do it tomorrow. peace.

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gunt’sta think about the turtles

Okay. okay. okay. okay. okay. okay. I’m mostly keeping up with school. I’m mostly keeping up. I finished all my Sunday Monday stuff. Tomorrow I have a big scary thing tour-wise. The Boss Lady is going to be there, and I really don’t know how it’s going to go, but I have a feeling some sort of evaluation is going to happen, and that makes me really really really really really really really fucking nervous. Like… very nervous. Very Fucking Nervous. I should try to go back to bed, and get some sleep, so that I can get a total of around 8 hours in. I need to be well rested if I want this to go well. Sooo yeah. I finished all my homework tonight, so I can spend all of tomorrow day going through my tour stuff and preparing. I think I’m basically just going to go through the whole thing, intro to end, and brush up and make sure I’ve got all the little details down. That’s more or less my entire plan. Maybe I should stay up tonight and start doing it right now… buuut…. really… I don’t want to. Naw. I should chill and try to sleep. First I think I’m going to go test out my car and make sure that patch actually fucking worked before the S.O has to use it to get to work tomorrow. Okay, time to go do that. Okay… I **think** it’ll be alright, I think, I think, I think. *knocks on wood* I might do another test in the morning tbh. I’m trying to calm my shit down so I can catch some sleep. I’m watching vegan food reviews on youtube and trying to de-stress myself. I trust myself, mostly, I think. I can be strong. I can be strong. I’m smart. I’m strong. Okay, I’m guna stop writing this, try and watch stuff or read stuff and hopefully sleep. peace.

no I’M OKAY

Freelance work is BACK ON. For the moment at least. It’s not writing, it’s something completely different and hard to explain but the work is not TOO TOO TOOOOOO hard I don’t think. I have only done a little bit of it so far. I’m hoping I will get faster and more confident as I go along. Ummmmmmm yeah. Everything is weird, but I’m okay I think. I’m pretty sure. I’m sort of sure. I’m moderately confident. Wicked tired from not sleeping well and having trouble falling asleep and waking up really early to fill out work related forms, and being unable to fall asleep after that. Now I’m about to go to the gym and probably have a mentally exhausting conversation about carbs with my brother because of ReAsOnS. Yyyyyyyeeeeah. >__<  Z__Z (sleeping Z eyes) Maybe I will nap when I get back home. Maybe lots of things will happen and they will be cool? I don’t fucking know.