auto motives

It’s been an extremely long day. Went back to the junkyard at 10am to pull a strut out of a dead volvo. We ended up pulling two and then picking the one that looked better. We forgot to bring a breaker bar for added – bolt removal – leverage, so we scoured the fucking junkyard until we found a random hollow bar-shaped piece of a truck that worked. From there to a westside pit stop, and then into Rio, for piles and piles of laundry while performing car maintenance. Grease and brake line cleaner and laundry detergent.  Heavy metal clanging to the ground after long minutes of delicate-but-firm rubber mallet pounding. Selecting the delicate cycle and cleaning the lint trap. Soldering severed electrical wires in the brake system, remembering to add a dryer sheet, kneading chemicals like clay to form a polymer and then spreading it over a sprawling crack. And while the adhesive set, a trip to the store. A trip to the store where I scored a new pair of cheap-but-comfortable tennis shoes, along with a few food style supplies. Then pulling piping warm clothes from the dryer, and adding a layer of industrial strength tape over the polymer patch. So strong it pulled at my skin in a way that threatened removal. Finally a shower, and into clean clothes, as the last of my junkyard garb swirled with suds. A quiet hour on the couch with my parents, watching nothing and trying to write and helping my mom with her computer. Four trips to the car to load everything up, and a long drive home. A long drive home with no squeaks or creaks or sputters.

Advertisements

a treatise on hope

Hope you’re doing okay
Hope you’re getting bouquets
And that time splits around you
Instead of drowning you whole
Hope you’re feeling alright
Hope my brass knuckles bite
Into all of your senses
Until you succumb in full

spiral

face faucets drop dripping
with salt and oh
you’d better drink something
you’d better you’d
kill to keep them all safe
kill to know they’re all safe
and keep your keep your
word
quiet as a cricket night
elegant as bathroom fights
it’s blue ink broken skin
but see
how it has learned already
to repel and reject
the unfiltered unknown
each to each minute as
dull as wooden swords
or infinite jest
the night ghosts through my grasp
its lead caught in the beaks
of morning birds

Sight of bland

Our tongues they slip
around titles
squirming to avoid
making those specific sounds
lap up familiar names instead
save for streaks
of oh no yes sir no sir I know
breathe burnt stove smoke
take in this accident and
as fire burns it clean
I will think on forgiveness
spindle twigs all bent
roaming words all spent
this is the tower I slept in
this is the forest before
filled up with gold leaves and sparrows
filled up with storm drains and crows

Guilt rip

It’s all hard for the soft arts
Sharp for the dull parts
Hands full of cloves
Let go
Into the wilds of my eyes
Brows furrowed and wide
And the middling tick tick
Of a clock set for lovers
Don’t think of the time
Till the time is all over
Each thought I touch is stinging raw
Poured through mash and mesh
I love the dark oak sighs
The shifting ripples of sand
Cloves spilling from my hands

bags of 5 cent goldfish

Besides my usual anxiety about money and work and stuff, so far I feel better today than I have in a little minute. My brother and I just had our second official rehearsal for our live show that is happening in 21 days. It went really well, and we’ve pretty much got one of the 3 songs we’re doing live down. You guys can listen to it if you’re curious. (no seriously… you should listen to it)

It’s a cute, upbeat little ukulele song about having fun, and drinking, and setting fish free, and my fear of being trapped in my corpse after I die, and getting buried and still being trapped in my corpse in my coffin and being aware of my own body’s slow decomposition! It’s a lot of fun. You guys should listen to it.

Let’s see… what else? I guess that’s all I really want to say on here right now. I’m going to go row, and then shower, and that’s basically the extent of my plans for the moment. I haven’t used my rowing machine in like… almost two weeks? I’ve been going to the gym all the freaking time instead, which is cool, but I’ve kinda missed rowing and right now seems like a good time to go for it. yeah. cool. okay. bye.

I felt them bite

So, you guys. If you haven’t already you seriously need to listen to my freakin’ album. I HAVE A FREAKIN’ ALBUM! THAT I MADE! WITH MY BRAIN! Ever wonder what this strange, mysterious blogger you follow sounds like when she sings? Ever wonder about what sort of lyrics I would write, considering the disjointed and far from artistic tone of this blog? Well beautiful people, wonder no more. My band is called kind smart dangerous, and you can get the full 13 song album for free / pay what you want at kindsmartdangerous.com But! if you aren’t ready to commit to going to a whole ‘nother page to listen, I’m going to make it easy for you and add a couple of our lyric videos. Please listen!! Please share on social media if you like it!! You can tell all your friends you heard about us before we were popular.