Do I dare to eat a peach?

It’s the last week of the semester. Two of my big final projects are done, and I have two to go. I’m a little worried about them both, in the way that I haven’t actually really started either, haven’t even settled on a topic for one. (and the other one, the focus of my topic is slightly shifting as I find sources I can theoretically use). By Friday, this time period will be done. This gut punch anxiety won’t feel quite like this anymore. I’m restless and it’s probably because I drank a whole pot of coffee. It’s fucking roasting in here too. It’s so goddamn hot. I sacrificed the bit of cool air that was seeping down the stairs in an attempt to help Ren sleep. They have work in the early early time of the day. I want to go to wal-mart and get some groceries. I’m sick of not having like… any type of food in the house and always picking up food and shit. I want to be one of those people who meal prep and have their shit together in a real way. I want to learn how to make more things that are healthy. I know right now that’s just my procrastination impulse kicking in, and really I need to fucking ignore it, because there is toooo goddamn much for me to do and it’s already like 10pm. Okay, I’m going to get started on everything. I might be back here in a bit or I might not. *45 seconds later* Okay, I decided, I’m doing my paper for my poetry class about T.S. Eliot. I wanted to do it about one of the lady poets really, but like… I don’t know as much about their work, and Prufrock is one of my all time faves and it’ll be easier, and three days before the paper’s due isn’t the time to like… Take A Stand And Write About Women For The Sake of Writing About Women. Three days before the paper’s due is time to Take The Easy Way Out And Get That Shit Done Son.

*a couple hours later*

I wrote about 2.5 pages of my bullshit 25 page paper, and  i’m starting on my poetry paper now. (I also killed the enormous cockroach that has been camping out in our bathroom, tormenting us, for fucking ever). If I alternate, writing two pages of the long one and one page of the poetry one, I’ll be able to get them both done at around the same time, and also maybe I won’t **completely** lose my mind in the process. Alternating between projects helps me sometimes. We’ll see. (Also, do you know how fucking annoying it is to have to write one paper in MLA format and another paper in APA format??! It’s annoying as hell. Also, APA is fucking stupid and way overly complicated and it can suck my whole dick)

*like another hour later or something*

Poetry paper is now underway as well. Everything is happening, but I *think* I’m going to let myself go lay down for a little while now?? Really not sure what’s happening, but I think that’s what I’m going to do for now. Mkay. Maybe I’ll write more later on here or something. Peace.

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Paging

Ache my head

Give me a trilogy

To float me into a new part

Give me misspent hours

With no regrets

Give me aromatic shells

That crack and split and yield

I believe in you

I believe in your power

Candle

Hi. I’m still here, more or less. I’ve felt like I’ll somehow curse my life by writing on here, which is silly I guess, but *knocks on wood about it* Anyway, yeah. It’s a busy time. My eyes are tired from being open for so long and I really need to fucking exercise and I should probably consume a vegetable sometime in the relatively near future. Maybe actually get some groceries so I have some type of food in the house. Whatever. whatever. dude, I’m tired. Just one question set and three freelance articles to go, for today. 15 pages from two classes, 12 pages from another, and 25 pages from another = a total of 67 fucking pages of papers that I have to write in the next 1.25 months. Holy fucking shit dude. Holy Fucking Shit. Dude. That’s not to mention the 10 minute presentation I have to somehow?? make?? and the regular weekly work that is still happening. The discussions and reading questions and article summaries. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yeah! cool, cool, co co co co co co coool! Grad school was a Fun and Good idea! My summer financial aid better come thru, so I can split up my last 4 classes over summer and fall, and only have to take 1 other class while I write my dissertation, instead of taking 3 other classes while writing my dissertation. But, ultimately, we’ll see. We’ll see we’ll see we’ll see. I just want to practice knots and ties and have my body worshiped while I casually sip wine. Jeeze. Why is all of this happening instead? Alright, it’s time for me to do more work. I’m out. peace.