Cold Compress

It’s been a rough few days. ((and longer sort of but that’s not the point of this entry)) I went out and had dinner with my parents and my brother tonight and it was good. They had a gift card for $100 and they didn’t seem to think we would spend it all but I knew we totally would and we did. Being there with them felt good and hopeful and it didn’t hurt that I had a margarita. The outing was needful, I think,  because earlier I was feeling fucked, having some substantial self-destructive urges. Just wanting to hide, and read, and not knowing how to deal with anything. Our last mammalian pet died a couple days ago. Not totally unexpected but still, it was sudden. Rough. Rough emotionally, and rough having to deal with, and arrange, the physical necessities associated with it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, but I felt the need to acknowledge it. And I couldn’t stop working, touring, writing. But I’ve got a couple days now. Not completely free, but semi-free. And I got to have dinner with people that I love. I got to pick up my check.  I got to come home to a very, very nice bit of writing from a person that I love. though I did maybe feel just a little twinge upon seeing the last sentence of the previous entry  I’m grateful to have a little time. Honestly, I could very much use it. I feel worn and drained of my important soul juices. So here’s to trying my best to re-hydrate them. Peace.



For the freelance project I’m working on right now, my editor’s last name is “Reeder”, which I think is a pretty cool / hilarious name for an editor to have. I have to write one more article before I can go to sleep. I’ve already done three. Hold on, I’m gunna grab a topic. Mkay, got one. My eyelid has been twitching on and off all day and it’s really annoying. I should get bananas and then eat a banana. I ended up getting a new (annoyingly expensive) tub for my snake today, a bit smaller than the super huge one I tried to give her which doesn’t seem to be working out very well, but still over 3 feet long, significantly bigger than her old one. So yeah, maybe if I’m **super lucky** I’ll be able to get that set up tomorrow. It has a lot of vertical space, so I should add some branches or something for her to mess with in there. I would really like to get it set up tomorrow because A. I don’t think she’s very happy in the setup I have her in right now, and B. It’s taking up a huge amount of space in the living room. I also want to get Gekkeikan The Gecko’s eco earth substrate set up, since I just have him on paper towels right now, which is Technically Okay, but I want something better for him. I dyed the ends of my hair blue and it’s pretty cool. It’s supposed to last 10 washes but I feel like it’ll probably last more like … two?? at best?? Who knows tho. Shit, I should probably take the trash out. Like… right now. But I don’t want toooooooo. Also it’s 3:10 and I should go the fuck to sleep soon, if I have any vague hope of getting anywhere close to enough sleep. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares and there’s just …. a lot of real stuff and I don’t want to talk about it. So instead I’m going to ramble on about nothings. My next snake project after I get all of this taken care of is to hopefully double the size of the corn snake tank. Also I want to make this gecko tank look really cool since it’s in the living room. I want it to be display tank style, but nice looking hides and stuff are super expensive, and he doesn’t fucking care at all what his hides look like sooooooo … ya know…. Welp, it’s 404 am, and I’m done with my last guide and I’m going the fuck to sleep right now. bye.

stretch and strain and stars and rain

almost 4am. I’m doing some curation. Very tired but I just drank a little coffee. Put my hair up, put my headphones in. I’m going to concentrate as hard as I can and do as much as I can in the next two hours, and then I’m going to get 6 hours sleep and immediately wake up and start again. Okay? okay. Okay? okay. It’s a race against other curators this time, which really sucks honestly. I would rather just get to claim a certain amount and then do those. I really don’t like having to compete like that, you know what I mean? you know? you know what I mean? But whatever. freelancers can’t be freechoosers. I always say it, but I should get a real job. Maybe I’ll put a concerted effort into doing so after this trip happens. I dunno. Maybe I should have gone to law school or some shit lol. I guess I technically still could but it would be really hard and also suck and also I would have to get loans which… as I already mentioned… would suck. I dunno. I feel like I’m just… wasting my brain sometimes, you know? Like… it’s a really good brain and what am I even using it for? Also my muscles are strong and capable and what am I even using them for? Aaaaaanyyyhooo……. instead of spiraling into some sort of weird identity crisis right here and now in this little white box, I’m going to get to work, like, how I said I was going to.

Now it’s 5am and it’s going okay honestly. Like… not amazing but okay. I should definitely keep going like a lot. a lot a lot a lot. yeah. Okay, so, yeah. peace.

*** two days later ***

Okay, so, now it’s 12:30am like two days after I originally started this entry. Soooo basically, it looks like this curation project is about to wrap up…. and by that, I mean that it looks like everyone else is basically done for the night, and I’m going to stay awake forever and finish literally all that’s left. Also, I have to do another transcription thing for that other thing. Also, this girl I like and I’m trying to forge a ~tentative~ friendship with asked me to read over her ~~erotic~~story and give her notes and I said I would, even though I’m honestly not awesome at giving criticism, and and it’s really not my favorite thing to do… but people ask me because of my whole… writing thing.  ** 10 minutes later** lol uh-oh. so far so not so good. She said to be brutally honest, (like her dance teacher is) but delivering brutality is not where my strength lies, so… we’ll see how it goes.

**5.5hours later** It’s now 6am. I’m deliriously tired and starting to hallucinate bugs a little bit lol. Also, I worked for like …. I wanna say 16 hours today?? that’s how long it seems like. Let’s calculate. lol yeah, actually, that’s about right. **thumbs up** People came online again at like 3am and I had to race them and I totally stole some from people who claimed hundreds of lines at a time, like bitch, that’s against the rules they said to claim as you go not put your name on hundreds of lines and then do them at your fucking leisure. Naw son, I’m here now and want to do them now, you can’t call dibs. Soooo I stole some they claimed. I could have done more even, but it’s 6am and I’m just toooo fucking tired. I did like 1,800 lines today. lololololol holy shit my dudes. I have a bunch of other misc shit I have to take care of tomorrow, so I should definitely definitely fucking stop writing this and let myself peace the fuck out into sleep time land. Oh, shit, before I forget to mention it / forget it ever happened, speaking of sleepy time land, the other night (like 2 or 3 nights ago idk, time is all fucked up for me right now) I had a dream that Amanda Palmer was giving me a full back stick and poke tattoo. lmfao. It was like… full color, like a shilouette of a lady standing by a tree with a bunch of colorful flowers around it?? and like… I didn’t even like it that much?? but it felt nice and Amanda Palmer was giving it to me so I just fucking went with it. yeah. that was a dream I had. yeah. cool. Idk why I even told you that honestly it’s so random but also now it is preserved forever. tight. I’m very tired. bro. dude. dude. bro. I should cut my nails but I also don’t want to and I’m fucking tired and I’m going to bed now peace out.

Dream a little dream of mutant alien crocodiles slowly eating you alive

So this morning, (see: Afternoon) during my last 15 minutes of sleep or so, I had a dream that I was being slowly eaten alive by a giant mutant alien crocodile. There was a lot of detail behind it about an alien home world and climate change and shape shifting but I don’t really remember all that jazz. I do remember the part where I was running through a swampy forest pursued by an unnaturally fast croc alien who kept catching me and biting parts off of me. Like at least one arm and one leg but I think even more than that. Finally he cornered me and bit my face off and I died. Then the dream continued with me as a floating disembodied witness to the action. Cool, awesome, thanks for that one unconscious mind. It was actually a very interesting story line but when I woke up that was all I could recall. On that lovely note, I’m going to go to bed and hope for some nicer dreams tonight. I mean c’mon, give me a fun dream where I can fly, or a sexy dream, or basically anything not horrifying please please please okay good night.


Freelance work is BACK ON. For the moment at least. It’s not writing, it’s something completely different and hard to explain but the work is not TOO TOO TOOOOOO hard I don’t think. I have only done a little bit of it so far. I’m hoping I will get faster and more confident as I go along. Ummmmmmm yeah. Everything is weird, but I’m okay I think. I’m pretty sure. I’m sort of sure. I’m moderately confident. Wicked tired from not sleeping well and having trouble falling asleep and waking up really early to fill out work related forms, and being unable to fall asleep after that. Now I’m about to go to the gym and probably have a mentally exhausting conversation about carbs with my brother because of ReAsOnS. Yyyyyyyeeeeah. >__<  Z__Z (sleeping Z eyes) Maybe I will nap when I get back home. Maybe lots of things will happen and they will be cool? I don’t fucking know. 

“ZZZzzzZZzzzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzz” – My brain

I’m tired as hell. I spent all day writing a wicked long wicked hard paper. I actually started it yesterday and finished it today, and it still took me like almost 5 hours today. It was 11 pages long in total. BuuuuUUuuuuuUUUt … That’s the last fucking school thing that I have. It’s done. It’s over. That feels like a relief, and I allowed myself to bask in that relief for about an hour before I immediately started writing articles. I’ve gotten 3 done and I need to do one more before I go to sleep. It’s related to fashion advice, which I always find amusing since I seriously don’t know jack about fashion. It’s for dudes and I’m just like… um… suits? Ties? you probably should wear pants? (except it’s the UK so they say trousers or slacks, and pants are underwear.) I’m going to have 7 fucking guides to write tomorrow… soooo….. yeeeeah. That’s going to be …. yeah. Let’s see.. what else? I guess I need to sort of go back to the real world now that I don’t have this school stuff as an excuse to stay hermited inside my house and spend all my free time on sexy adventures. I have to like… balance my sexy adventures with other stuff. I need to hang out with my bro since I haven’t hung out with him in like a billion years. I’ll figure it out, I think, hopefully. I’ll make time for everything, I think hopefully.