stretch and strain and stars and rain

almost 4am. I’m doing some curation. Very tired but I just drank a little coffee. Put my hair up, put my headphones in. I’m going to concentrate as hard as I can and do as much as I can in the next two hours, and then I’m going to get 6 hours sleep and immediately wake up and start again. Okay? okay. Okay? okay. It’s a race against other curators this time, which really sucks honestly. I would rather just get to claim a certain amount and then do those. I really don’t like having to compete like that, you know what I mean? you know? you know what I mean? But whatever. freelancers can’t be freechoosers. I always say it, but I should get a real job. Maybe I’ll put a concerted effort into doing so after this trip happens. I dunno. Maybe I should have gone to law school or some shit lol. I guess I technically still could but it would be really hard and also suck and also I would have to get loans which… as I already mentioned… would suck. I dunno. I feel like I’m just… wasting my brain sometimes, you know? Like… it’s a really good brain and what am I even using it for? Also my muscles are strong and capable and what am I even using them for? Aaaaaanyyyhooo……. instead of spiraling into some sort of weird identity crisis right here and now in this little white box, I’m going to get to work, like, how I said I was going to.

Now it’s 5am and it’s going okay honestly. Like… not amazing but okay. I should definitely keep going like a lot. a lot a lot a lot. yeah. Okay, so, yeah. peace.

*** two days later ***

Okay, so, now it’s 12:30am like two days after I originally started this entry. Soooo basically, it looks like this curation project is about to wrap up…. and by that, I mean that it looks like everyone else is basically done for the night, and I’m going to stay awake forever and finish literally all that’s left. Also, I have to do another transcription thing for that other thing. Also, this girl I like and I’m trying to forge a ~tentative~ friendship with asked me to read over her ~~erotic~~story and give her notes and I said I would, even though I’m honestly not awesome at giving criticism, and and it’s really not my favorite thing to do… but people ask me because of my whole… writing thing.  ** 10 minutes later** lol uh-oh. so far so not so good. She said to be brutally honest, (like her dance teacher is) but delivering brutality is not where my strength lies, so… we’ll see how it goes.

**5.5hours later** It’s now 6am. I’m deliriously tired and starting to hallucinate bugs a little bit lol. Also, I worked for like …. I wanna say 16 hours today?? that’s how long it seems like. Let’s calculate. lol yeah, actually, that’s about right. **thumbs up** People came online again at like 3am and I had to race them and I totally stole some from people who claimed hundreds of lines at a time, like bitch, that’s against the rules they said to claim as you go not put your name on hundreds of lines and then do them at your fucking leisure. Naw son, I’m here now and want to do them now, you can’t call dibs. Soooo I stole some they claimed. I could have done more even, but it’s 6am and I’m just toooo fucking tired. I did like 1,800 lines today. lololololol holy shit my dudes. I have a bunch of other misc shit I have to take care of tomorrow, so I should definitely definitely fucking stop writing this and let myself peace the fuck out into sleep time land. Oh, shit, before I forget to mention it / forget it ever happened, speaking of sleepy time land, the other night (like 2 or 3 nights ago idk, time is all fucked up for me right now) I had a dream that Amanda Palmer was giving me a full back stick and poke tattoo. lmfao. It was like… full color, like a shilouette of a lady standing by a tree with a bunch of colorful flowers around it?? and like… I didn’t even like it that much?? but it felt nice and Amanda Palmer was giving it to me so I just fucking went with it. yeah. that was a dream I had. yeah. cool. Idk why I even told you that honestly it’s so random but also now it is preserved forever. tight. I’m very tired. bro. dude. dude. bro. I should cut my nails but I also don’t want to and I’m fucking tired and I’m going to bed now peace out.

Dream a little dream of mutant alien crocodiles slowly eating you alive

So this morning, (see: Afternoon) during my last 15 minutes of sleep or so, I had a dream that I was being slowly eaten alive by a giant mutant alien crocodile. There was a lot of detail behind it about an alien home world and climate change and shape shifting but I don’t really remember all that jazz. I do remember the part where I was running through a swampy forest pursued by an unnaturally fast croc alien who kept catching me and biting parts off of me. Like at least one arm and one leg but I think even more than that. Finally he cornered me and bit my face off and I died. Then the dream continued with me as a floating disembodied witness to the action. Cool, awesome, thanks for that one unconscious mind. It was actually a very interesting story line but when I woke up that was all I could recall. On that lovely note, I’m going to go to bed and hope for some nicer dreams tonight. I mean c’mon, give me a fun dream where I can fly, or a sexy dream, or basically anything not horrifying please please please okay good night.

no I’M OKAY

Freelance work is BACK ON. For the moment at least. It’s not writing, it’s something completely different and hard to explain but the work is not TOO TOO TOOOOOO hard I don’t think. I have only done a little bit of it so far. I’m hoping I will get faster and more confident as I go along. Ummmmmmm yeah. Everything is weird, but I’m okay I think. I’m pretty sure. I’m sort of sure. I’m moderately confident. Wicked tired from not sleeping well and having trouble falling asleep and waking up really early to fill out work related forms, and being unable to fall asleep after that. Now I’m about to go to the gym and probably have a mentally exhausting conversation about carbs with my brother because of ReAsOnS. Yyyyyyyeeeeah. >__<  Z__Z (sleeping Z eyes) Maybe I will nap when I get back home. Maybe lots of things will happen and they will be cool? I don’t fucking know. 

“ZZZzzzZZzzzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzz” – My brain

I’m tired as hell. I spent all day writing a wicked long wicked hard paper. I actually started it yesterday and finished it today, and it still took me like almost 5 hours today. It was 11 pages long in total. BuuuuUUuuuuuUUUt … That’s the last fucking school thing that I have. It’s done. It’s over. That feels like a relief, and I allowed myself to bask in that relief for about an hour before I immediately started writing articles. I’ve gotten 3 done and I need to do one more before I go to sleep. It’s related to fashion advice, which I always find amusing since I seriously don’t know jack about fashion. It’s for dudes and I’m just like… um… suits? Ties? you probably should wear pants? (except it’s the UK so they say trousers or slacks, and pants are underwear.) I’m going to have 7 fucking guides to write tomorrow… soooo….. yeeeeah. That’s going to be …. yeah. Let’s see.. what else? I guess I need to sort of go back to the real world now that I don’t have this school stuff as an excuse to stay hermited inside my house and spend all my free time on sexy adventures. I have to like… balance my sexy adventures with other stuff. I need to hang out with my bro since I haven’t hung out with him in like a billion years. I’ll figure it out, I think, hopefully. I’ll make time for everything, I think hopefully. 

Adventures in recording

So today was kind of interesting I guess. I’ve been in Rio since like five hanging out with my parents and brother. We cooked dinner together and it was good. We took the dogs for a little walk and then at like 10 they sequestered themselves in their bedroom so Mike and I could try and record some vocals. We started by going around the house and silencing everything that makes noise, and then we set up all the equipment, and we did a couple experiments with different microphone positions and stuff, and then it started fucking raining. The mic is extremely sensitive and it picked up the fucking sound of rain falling so we couldn’t do vocals and L-O-FUCKING-L it hasn’t rained in like two months and we really need it but it HAD to be tonight? Really? Sooooo we raged about that for a while and then we decided to use our time productively anyway and record the guitar part of a different song. It’s an electric/acoustic guitar so we could record directly and not have to worry about outside noises. The only issue with that is when the guitar is plugged in it makes a shitty feedback buzzing nose, and the only way to stop the noise and keep it off the recording is for another person to touch one hand to the little metal part where the cord plugs into the guitar, and touch the person who is playing with the other hand, making some sort of crazy human circuit. Sooo I spent like two plus hours as a human circuit, and it was hilarious and ridiculous and we made some cool good artistic progress, but we didn’t get a clean track. All in all it was less than stellar. Now it’s 5 am and I’m pretty tired but idk if I will actually be able to sleep in this hard terrible bed. We will see! I bid you adieu

A domestic

What’s up motherfuckers?? Shout out to all the weird people who recently followed me! I have no idea who any of you are and I find many of your blogs strange and confusing! Today has been a LONG ASS DAY but it has been productive. I was just looking at tumblr and I went completely hysterical and laughed and cried over a picture that wasn’t even **that** funny except apparently it was to me because I totally lost my shit over it:

Image

Exibit A

(Incidentally, feel free to follow me on tumblr (valerian-blue.tumblr.com) if you’re into funny pictures of stuff and inter-species animal friendships and insightful quotes and occasional feminist rants) I haven’t gone all hysterical status in a really long time and now I feel awesome like I just had a long overdue cry or something except it also involved laughter so that is preferable I would say!! Still very cathartic. I’m wicked exhausted and whatever, but I feel somewhat accomplished. I need to play my bass I haven’t learned anything new in a long time and it’s really hard and intimidating and that makes me discouraged but I know I could do it if I actually put effort into it and yeah. I should take some selfies at some point when I feel like putting on makeup and not looking exhausted to document my purple hair. We bought a slow cooker yesterday and today there is a delicious smelling slow-cooked meal about to be done and CONSUMED BY MY MIGHTY JAWS. (and washed down with some tequila maaaybe probably definitely) My boyfriend’s and my new phone cases both arrived the other day and they look *awesome* and bright as fuck but I can’t take a cool picture so you can see how dope they both look together because WHAT WOULD I TAKE THE PICTURE WITH??!! Alright, I feel like it’s time for food and alcohol and maybe video games. I’m good at playing video games now by the way. I only learned to play because my boyfriend is a big gamer and I wanted to be able to play with him, even though I had 0 interest in video games and basically never played any my entire life (except pokemon on my gameboy pocket as a little kid!) But now I am good at them and I actually enjoy playing with him and I think it is always worthwhile to invest some time in learning more about your significant other’s interests.