Wine & Roses

Hey, so it’s 1:30 in the morning, and I’m deeply exhausted in a soul style manner, but I need to buckle the fuck down and keep working, keep writing. I have no idea what is going to happen with anything, but I do know that I really really really need to do as much work as I possibly can as fast as I possibly can. That’s what I know. That’s the true style truth about my life right now. I’m soooo tired, but I really have to keep going. I’ve got a whole pot of coffee and my battery on this thing lasts a really long time, so basically what I’m saying is it’s time to get back to work.

  • 2:30am: time to drink coffee. Earlier when I tried to submit a guide that I wrote the little copyscape thing popped up and was all “hey, this chunk of text exists in other places on the internet, did you plagiarize it? And I looked at the other places it was referring to and it was literally four other guides that I had written that the wedding website I’m writing all of these for had published. lol. I plagiarized it from past me apparently. Time to change up my phrasing a bit I suppose.
  • 2:32am: coffee is finished and work time is now.
  • 2:41am: skeleton rocking chair
  • 12:21pm: finished 10 guides, went to bed at 7:30am. Got less than 4 hours sleep. Now I’m here again. working again. The venue i’m doing rn is a hotel in the CA wine valley called “wine & roses”. probably gunna name this entry that and be super misleading.
  • 2:29pm: I’m going so fucking slow, because of how exhausted I am. My brain is really not working well at all at all and I feel extremely fucking irritated by everything. Like… literally everything is pissing me right the fuck off at the moment. I don’t know how to deal with anything
  • 3:47pm: The S.O has delivered me a green tea frappuccino and my irritation level has decreased by approximaely 17%.
  • 5:52pm: God, I wish I could take a fucking nap or something. Honestly, I might need to because I really don’t know how much longer my brain is going to continue functioning here. It’s feeling so slow and pathetic. Like… for realsies.
  • 2:41am (the next day): Rockstar is the best energy drink, FIGHT ME. (Actually that’s a lie, I like Red Bull better but it’s so expensive I never get it) I have 6 more things to write before I can go to sleep… so that’s like… 3 hours of work at least. Fun times.
  • 4:15am: four more to go. Getting distracted, need to zone back in and finish it off. My poor brain. Oh, my poor brain.
  • 4:41am: three to go. The pool is dwindling and I’m getting paranoid about everything and also getting generally freaked out about my life, so that’s fun.
  • 5:15am: Two to go. Going and going and go.
  • 5:58am: Last one, almost done. I really hope that the client doesn’t get pissed at me for hoarding 10 more in my queue overnight, and/or make me take them out, because that would really suck. But, I am so exhausted, and no matter what I can really only do one more tonight… so I’m going to try my best to not worry about it too much. I just took a benadryl because I’ve had so much caffeine today and I really want to be able to **actually** sleep at least for a few hours, before I have to wake up and keep doing this more. **insert general sounds of agony here**
  • 6:45am: done, 10 more in my queue that I really hope I actually get to keep and write. I need to get some sleep now, and hopefully pass out as soon as possible to make the most of my limited zzzzz time. I’ll pick this ridiculous entry up when I wake up probably.
  • 9:08pm: 4 more to write and this batch is done. I forgot about this entry basically all day. I’ve already done 6 today and I’m so close to done but also so exhausted and just feeling really out of it. I should start cooking dinner some time in the relatively near future, but mostly I should just keep writing until this is finally fucking done and I can breathe for like two seconds and not look at this fucking screen for two seconds.
  • 9:44pm: Fucking hyped up on caffeine but still having such a hard time concentrating. 3 more to go. that’s one tenth of the total number I’ve had in 3 days. Just 3 more. Just 3 more and I can chill the fuck out, and drink an alcohol, and not write anything else tonight. Three more. Three more. Three more.
  • 10:28pm: Two to go. Sort of started cooking dinner. I’m so wired and tired and fucked up feeling. I haven’t exercised in like 3 days it’s way too fucking long I feel gross and bad. Tomorrow, for sure, that’s happening. I’m going to make spaghetti squash with spicy af red sauce for dinner by the way. It’s gunna be delicious and I’m so annoyed with everything right now I just want to punch things in the face forever until it’s all pulp.
  • 10:57pm: last fucking one. I’m so ready to be done with this, you don’t even know. (or… if you managed to actually read all this garbage, you probably do know I guess.) I am soooo over it. Soooo ready to take a fucking shower and be CLEAN and DONE and take a break. Possibly even allow myself to sleep for 8 full hours tonight??? how flippin’ sweet would that be? Okay. Let’s FINISH THIS.
  • 11:33pm: done. done. fucking done.

 

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So sail, stalwart souls

Everyone understands the world differently, and interprets it differently, and reacts to it differently, and I cannot expect anyone to interpret it the same way as me … ever… for any reason I know this. But sometimes I still get really annoyed at how other people interpret the world. Just the difference between how they viewed this event and how they are reacting to it and how I saw it, and how I reacted, just … irks me for some reason. AaaaaAaaaanyway, The website I NEED to use to do my work went down last night (See: early this morning) So I couldn’t get as much of my work done as I wanted to. As a result I have hella more work to do today than I want. I’ve gotten some of it done but I still have a long way to go. Also I got woken up two hours earlier than I wanted, which is not exactly improving my demeanor. When we went out earlier today to grab some supplies I saw two separate people in the store wearing obvious collars that did *not* look like a simple fashion statement. (one was a choke chain) Apparently the freaks come out at 1 in the afternoon here?? It was pretty interesting. (I like having a collar that is 100% stealth for public wear, and then an obvious one for certain ~~activities~~) My little red volvo is in the shop, getting the AC fixed and making the front drivers’ side window roll down… hopefully. I’m hoping I can get it back by tomorrow, when I am blessedly free of work… but we will see. You know how car stuff goes. I Might be doing some recording early next week. Haven’t done music stuff in so long I’m just sorta like… ugh. Not super enthused to get back into it. But hopefully that will change. I need to get back to work now. I’m way more sensitive to caffeine than I used to be. It makes me SsSsSshake , but it keeps me awake.

These are some of the songs that kept coming on my Pandora radio and getting stuck in my head while I was doing tons of work the past couple days. I prefer mostly up-tempo songs while I write, sometimes emo childish songs to get me through the angst of how terrible writing all this boring bullshit feels. So, here’s a short playlist of my top pics from the past few days, in no particular order.

1. Noah and the Whale – Five Years Time

2. Panic! at the Disco -Nine in the Afternoon 

3. Radical Face – Welcome Home

4. Vampire Weekend – Oxford Comma

5. Arctic Monkeys -Fluorescent Adolescence

6. Fall Out Boy – My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark

 

Writing Playlist

Heeeeey. ‘sup? I have two more articles in my queueueue right now that I didn’t really want but I have weekly quotas and shit so it’s okay, I will do them. I reallyreally wanted my money to come in today so I could buy myself some goddamn jeans because I don’t have any like…. at all… but my money isn’t coming in until tomorrow and i have $50 in the bank right now but i’m going to have to use the majority of that on xmas style things i think. So…. this means i might have to go out early tomorrow on xmas-eve-day for a pants-buying mission (assuming my money even fucking comes in by then x_x) plus groceries and other supplies. So, i will have to wake up early to do all that. ugh. I dunno, i just am feeling overwhelmed suddenly.

**mediocrity update**

I did end up having enough money to go get some jeans. I went to the thrift store, got two pairs for $13 which is pretty fantastic. One pair has these weird swirly brown slightly sequen-y embroidery things down the sides of them, which was sorta weird and I was like… is this too childish looking? but then I was like… fuck it. They fit me and they cost 6 bucks and I don’t really care, so I bought them. THRIFT STORES 4 LIFE !!ii!!ii!!  I got a $50 xmas bonus from my job, which is also fantastic. I’ve never gotten a bonus before in my LIFE. Like… really… I don’t think I have. I know it’s not a huge amount but for me… it is super awesome. The money won’t be available to me for like another week, but that is beside the point. The point is… Hell yeah! Bonus style! I love my current job. It is **the best** form of employment I have ever had in my life and I can only hope it lasts a long time. *knocks on wood* Even though I complain about it a lot and it is really boring and arrruuuggghhh … it is still VASTLY preferable to any other form of income-procuring-employment I have ever had. Ooookay! I need to go now. I have to write at least one guide tonight and finish putting together my mom’s xmas gift and get ready for tomorrow in general. We are going into Rio and spending the night at my parents house, as-per xmas eve tradition. Peace out, dear readers.

do do do dun dun dun do do dun dun dun dun dunnnnn

Putting the “pro” in procrastination

‘sup guys? I should most definitely be working right now. Got 6 articles to finish … somehow. It is late and I am tired and this type of article really drains my patience. Too much unique thought required man I’d rather just fill out info on a list of products. Do those all day instead of trying to explain how to fix your glasses’ frames. I feel like all I have done for the past few days is sit here like this and it is driving me a little bit nuts. Just a little bit yo, just a little bit nuts. I don’t like having this many articles in one week, but I do what I do what I do what I must. I want music and creativity times, not so much with this kind of thing. Okay, I need to get back to work. I think I might make myself coffee or something. MIDNIGHT COFFEEEEE STAY AWAKE MADNESS!!!! I can’t believe xmas is just a few days away. I’m really not ready for all that jazz. 

I give you my bullets, you give me your… um… ?? I dunno, whatever. It’s sorta like a pot luck.

  • I MISS XANGA! I know I’ve said it before but it’s still true. This place is WEIRD! I have way more people following this blog than I ever did on xanga but I don’t know who any of you are! And some of you guys have like… SERIOUS BUSINESS blogs with an actual THEME that you stick to and blog about all the time and NOT just whining about your life with occasional other stuff spiced in there. What is with that??! Why are you people following me I don’t even have a profile pic because I am too lazy to go through the trouble of setting one up because it seems like a pain.
  • I am HYPED UP on coffee and a delicious mix of coffee and hot chocolate that I just made with the last of the coffee. Hell yeah! I’m that special kind of sleep deprived that makes me feel PUMPED AS HELL!
  • Yesterday and today have been WICKED STRESSFUL and I’m not going to go into detail about it because I don’t fucking want to! I pulled off a feat of fast, ridiculously impossible last minute writing that I am SUPER PROUD OF but I can’t even really talk about it because it wasn’t exactly 1000% morally acceptable in all circles.
  • It seems like my car might start in the cold now, but it has started making a crazy ridiculous SCREEEEECHING noise when I first start it. So…. what the hell? eh? eh? My brother is on the case doing research about it, so we’ll see.
  • I don’t want to write a buying guide about goddamn car amplifiers because I don’t even really know what they are or what they do BUT I WILL FIND OUT I GUESS.
  • I want to have KINKY SEX with my boyfriend like you don’t even know. I want it to be like…. yooooooooo. But things keep getting in the way and it is pretty lame. Because damn, I want some of that and he smells wicked good and daaaamn.
  • I need to get to work yo! I have 13 more articles to write before next Sunday and that is more than I have done in a week so far but it will make me enough money to PAY THE RENT.which is pretty damn important. Yeah! Freelance 4 LIFE!
  • I really want to work on music things but I don’t think that’s going to happen until AT LEAST next week.
  • Peace out strange internet BROS!

More whining about writing and some other stuff too.

My exhaustion is profound. I didn’t expect that I would need to complete another article today along with the two papers I had to write. It was due at 7 and I finished a little after 6. I finished my first paper that was due at 5 and then wrote the article quickly so we’ll see how that goes. I still have one more paper due before Midnight. That’s 4 hours from now, which should be enough time to write a 3-4 page paper, but my brain is incredibly exhausted because I stayed up working until 8:30 in the morning and slept for 5-ish hours before waking up and immediately starting to write more stuff. My brain is really tired and I’m trying to formulate an idea for what to base this next (and last for today, thank juheezus) paper on. It’s about advertisements and persuasion and I’m so goddamn tired I just hope I can persuade my brain to stay focused for a few more hours so I can churn this shit out. Coffee. Go. Now. I was hoping to have a day to chill after tomorrow when I finish that 4-6 page paper that I have due then, but I just found out that my current 4 articles are due on Thrusday at 7pm instead of Sunday…. so…. Just kidding about a day off I guess. I shouldn’t complain. Really I just hope that I get more articles after that and that this isn’t the end of the assignment, because that would be disappointing. I’m hoping not, and cautiously-optimistically assuming not, because of various factors, but I’m not 100% sure about anything.

*midnight style edit*

Yo! I finished all of my work. Turned in my last paper 15 minutes before it was due. I can’t believe I wrote 4 pages that fast, it seriously took me about an hour and 15 minutes. 😎 I’m super exhausted, but I’m happy because my brother got PAID and paid me for the work I’ve been doing for him. He still owes me nearly $300, but I can wait on that. I want him to have enough money to survive and take care of himself and everything. Really tho, I’m super glad he paid me today because I was getting sad and desperate and super pathetic style poor.

Okay! I should continue doing productive things. I should work on making the ferrets’ winter bed. It’s getting cold and their current bed is pretty shitty and they are going to need something better for the winter. Hopefully I can actually pull it off as well as I think I can in my *imagination*. Welp! That’s it for me. I’m out. Peace.